I had my final English project due yesterday, and Algebra final is tomorrow.Should be doing work for it but my brain hurts just thinking about it.LOL! Naw.I will do some here in a bit.I have my Psychology Final Friday, and Sociology on Monday.
So I am almost done with my semester at Missouri Western.As much as I love the Baptist Student Union people I have met, and got to hang out with old home school friends...I hate MO West. I am so miserable there. I was hoping and praying to be accepted this fall into College of the Ozarks. I actually heard from them last Thursday but haven't had time to sit and write this out. I am on the "waiting list". It means I could still get in,but I still may not.They are not making the actual list until Mid-May. Some people just smile and tell me, "God's timing." Some are telling me its God way of telling me to look else where.Then my parents are telling me to try again and try to get in for Spring of 2010 if I do not get in this fall. Me...I'm not sure of anything right now. All I know is I do not like here. Sometime I wonder if there is nothing wrong here and it's me in the wrong.I don't know. I thought I had everything figured out and now I don't know. I wake up some mornings just to cry. I do not know why I feel this way but I do. My sister and I kinda had it out yesterday. She told me she feels like she has to walk on eggshells around me and apologize for having a life, cause I hold it against her. Maybe I do. She told me, "You're a pretty girl but you will never be beautiful until you get whatever God is dealing with you about, worked out. But quit making my life miserable as well!" *told ya we had it out.* There is only a few things I know I am good at right now. One, my writing and two, living in a mask. I thought I had whatever was dragging me down, beat. But I am fighting myself all over again. My Sunday school teacher asked if God wants me to give up some stuff. That includes my theatre. I don't know. Like I said. I don't know anything right now. I think I will not be happy till I'm away from here. Whatever it is I need to find, it isn't here. But at the same time I hear myself thinking that is your problem. You're just unhappy cause things are not going your way. I'm so confused about a lot right now.
Megan
2 comments:
Hey Meg! I know from experience that these big life decision can be so confusing! You are definitely in my prayers as you try to figure all of this out! I did want to point out that when you find exactly where you're supposed to be, there will be a type of peace that comes with it. If you are really unhappy where you are, it is very likely that is means you shouldn't be there. At least that has been the case in my life. Remember your life and your decisions don't always have to make sense to the rest of the world...they're between you and God!
Good luck with the rest of your finals! God Bless!
~Trudi
Aw, I feel for ya girl! You'll be in my prayers. Future decisions are always so daunting. I agree with Trudi about the peace thing though. When I went to ORU [Oral Roberts U, in case you haven't heard of it] for their college weekend, everything just clicked. I felt like it was where I am meant to be. I definitely feel a peace about applying and getting in, even though I'm still worried a bit about scholarships. But God will help me through all of that as well.
Keep us updated. I have faith that you'll figure out whatever God is trying to tell you. Especially since you're so spiritually mature.
If you haven't read it, I'd also suggest the book "Authentic Beauty" by Leslie Ludy. It's awesome, and just for girls. Especially for girls who are struggling with direction.
Love ya girl. :]
Tina
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