Monday, October 20, 2008

Monday October 20th.

I really don't know what to title this. I have so many thoughts swirling in my head that my head is all jumbled. I have a lot of things hitting me right now.

For one,tonight was the lasst class ever of CYT and next monday is showcase. After that its my last performances ever and all too soon Aladdin will be ever.

I love my job, but with everything changing so rapidly it seems quite impossible that I'm "an adult" of nearly 19.

Things with Michael are interesting.We've been talking a lot lately even though he is no longer in CYT. I'm interested where they are going to go.

I've been having some interesting dreams that have made it impossible to sleep and I get cranky when I get tired. So that's not helping my abbility to think. Uggg..Last week I was making some dumb mistakes at work.Thank goodness Dawn is a patient woman.

I feel like I'm being pulled in all directions. I've having a hard time focusing on what I know I need to.I know I have something big coming that is requiring me to step up and give everything inside me I have and I'm not sure I'll be up to the task. I know God can handle anything but I'm scared I'm not up to the challenge.I know I'm letting my fear get the best of me. But there has been some stuff going on this week that has me questioning some stuff and reopening wounds I thought were gone. I don't want to lose it and fall to pieces again but maybe I need to just so God can intervien and pick up my Pieces and put them back together better than ever.

As you cna tell I have tons on my mind right now....UGH! I hate college life right now!

Wednesday, October 1, 2008

The 1st Sign of Fall...

October 1st!!! Ahhh!!! I seriously feel like I just thawed out from the ice storm last December, and here we are almost to the end of the year.*sigh*. I think I blinked too much this year or slept it away or something. It's been so busy I just can't keep up with the days.Ugh! Oh well.

Ok.Change of mind.I do have something to ramble about. On Saturday it was my great-grandma Ola's 90th birthday. It had been so long since she has seen me, and I have grown and changed so much, she didn't even recognize me.That hurt a little bit to think I've spent such small amounts of time with her in my life. I can't even imagine what it must to be like to have 90 years of knowledge.The change she has seen and everything she has been through.The great depression, both world wars, and so on. The literal change of the country as it hit the new millennium. What it would be like to sit with her for hours and hear story after story of growing up in the 20's, and 30's. She was born in 1918.All the music I love,swing, and oldies, to have been there and possibily gone to see those groups in their prime and the dance of the day was swing. I can't imagine what it was like. She's a very Godly lady and her most precious thing to her, is her faith. To be that old, and to have seen so many miracles from God...Wow..It blows my mind, then it makes me think that much more how awesome God is and it blows my mind even more.

Also on SAturday, I saw my Aunt Mary. Last time I saw her I was in Elemtentry.She saw me and came up to me,"My goodness! It's my lil baseball buddy!...My oh my..You're all grown up now!" See before my Uncle Jack died from cancer, every 4th of July every one gathered at my Aunt Mary's and Uncle Jack's ranch.They had a swimming pool, a volley ball net set up, horses, & a huge field of the guys to shoot off fireworks for everybodyand; of course TONS OF FOOD!...Me..I usually went for the cookies first.;-) haha!
Some times the guys would put on a lil rodeo show for us. I'll never forget one year they did some bull wrestling.I thought they were gonna get gorged by the horns for sure.But no one got hurt. Any way.Being the youngest of the family I was too small to particpate in anything. In volley ball I always got in the way and got trampled.Horses, I could ride if I had someone walking beside me, and the rest..Well...Kinda obvious. So my sister and I would take champaigne poppers and decorate the trees with them,go swimming, the drag out the baseball stuff. My Aunt Mary would pitch to us and we would play with her as long as she was up for. Then after Uncle Jack died, all that changed. Last time I was over there,Aunt Mary was so worn out from dealing with everything she didn't want to play baseball with me. Seeing her and everyone brought back memories I haven't thought of in a while. They were the best times ever. What I would give to have one more 4th of July at Aunt Mary's. It was over before I could really appreciate what I had in my family. Anywho. I told Aunt Mary we'd drive out and see her sometime and she said,"If you're busy go for it,girl!" she meant it all in love telling me to do what I wanted and needed to do,but its something I really want to do. I hate living here with no family near...So what am I going to do when I move away for college!?!?! Just a question I have been pondering this whole week.

Always,
Megan