Hey everyone..I decided for the remaining hoilday break it's just going to be what is going on in my life and the stories and poems are being put on hold for a bit. :) They will return with the new year. Promise! I keep my promises! hehe!
Right now Rae Jay has some work to do for school.Hard to believe how quickly the days are passing.
Christmas was very different for us.We made it through and still had a good Chritmas.
I had a bit of Christmas Miracle. My friend Cortney who moved to MS..I thought for sure I would not be able to see her for Christmas,and I have not seen her since July.
Also..I am going to Branson and my friend Jen is coming.We have been trying to get her to go with us since Dec 2005.She was able to see Haygood when they came to town in Jan,but still not the same as taking her to Branson.See she is from Chicago and is here for college and has always been too busy to go with us.She said she was bound and determined to go this time and she is! My family has adopted her as a 3rd daughter and it's so wonderful to have her along.She's as close to mym om and she is my sis and me. :)
Sara & Sydney are going with us as well...First-all of us were going..then Syd and I weren't going and Sara was...Then Sara wasn't going..then I was going, and they weren't....Now all of us are going... *sigh* *Whew!* Talk about confusing! It all worked out in the long run....
So we are going to fan night Saturday night and the closing show on the 30th.While my parents go to another show of their choice and get some time just them.They need it.
For my birthday I got a BLUE BASS GUITAR!!!!!! OH YEAH!!!!...I actually don't have it just yet..Gotta wait till next month to get it.Pix WILL BE POSTED. :-D
Last week I got my Snow White DVD and it wonderful to watch.I miss everyone so much.That play was so great.Not only cause of the performance but the people.Getting together to do theatre and worshiping God at the same time...:) Yeah.
Here are some ROCKIN vids you all need to check out!
http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=iCudTFgnzJQ Rockapella's "Where Would We Be"....Awesome Group!
http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=39kp5vDCRDo Christian Youth Theatre A capella class 2007... This video doesn't do it justice....1) It was much better live and 2)you can't see Michael on the far left rocking out on percussion..He was a riot to watch!:-) Anamaited much,Mr.Michael? lol!
http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=xwp-BqPK7ZE School House Rock Vid...My sister,Rae Jay was controling the Janet puppet. I miss this show
http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=XPw4yiieZtM Behind the scenes of CYT's Treasure Island!We are insane! hehehe!
More of these kind of vids on my site...www.youtube.com/setmefree1218
Later!
"Once in a while dreams come true...."
Always,
Megan Renee :-)
Wednesday, December 26, 2007
Wednesday, December 19, 2007
A Miracle..And a Poem....
Life is a Miracle....I have so much to write but I did promise poems....So here they are! :)
A Prayer
Lord,Here I am,
Here I stand.
This is me,oh God hear my plea.
I wanna know how much longer!
Lord,I feel as though I'll never get stronger.
I'm ready to leave it all behind.
Lord, I'm ready to say I'm through with this world.
I wanna hear that trumpet sound,
I'm so tired amd weary of livin' with sin and greed.
Lord,I'm ready for paradise with those streets of gold.
Lord, carry me home,
Carry me to your arms.
I wanna see your face and feel your amazing grace and love.
I wanna hear those angels sing "Hallejuiah praise our God."
Lord, I wanna go home.Take me away this I pray.
I fought my fight,
All I see around me is the darkness and fear.
Lord,I wanna see your hold light.
I wanna know I ran my race and I want to hear,
"Well done my child its time to come home."
I'm ready to give up,
I feel my soul slipping away.
Lord, I wanna go home!
I know you never change, but the world around me has.
I can barely make it through each day.
Lord...I'm ready to come home...
Lonely
It's a state of mind,
Not a state of being.
No one is truly ever alone.
God is there.The constant friend to the end.
Sweet Sixteen Blues
I'm in one of those thinking modes.
Trying to figure out life's secret code.
Trying to find the cure to a broken heart.
While crying, struggling, and falling apart.
Less Than Perfect
Lil' Miss Priss...
Goody-2-shoes...
Names I have heard far too often.
Can't they see past the glitz and the glam?
Can't they see the brown eyed dreamer,how I'm not so perfect?
I have a spirit,
I have a goal,
I have a wish,
I have a dream,
I have a name....
It's Less Than Perfect....
WHY?
6 am morning news.
Another crime, another case,
Another life taken away.
You said in the last days to watch the signs.
Well Lord now I'm ready to come home.
How much longer do I have to run the race?
Lord all I want is to feel your embrace.
I want a helping hand,I just can't undersatnd.
It breaks my heart to see this pain all around me.
Lord, You sent Your Son to take this away...
So for now..I'm going to trust in You.
~Untitled~Mustang
Black and white,day and light.
Like a storm ready to quit standing still,
Lighting staining the sky and the thunder rolling over the hills.
I will ride with you,two hearts beating....Raging over the land.
Roaming wild,running free.
With power and spirit unable to hold it back
like the tide that laps at the bay.
You are the horse of old...
You are the war horse,
The painted pony...
Mustang.
A Prayer
Lord,Here I am,
Here I stand.
This is me,oh God hear my plea.
I wanna know how much longer!
Lord,I feel as though I'll never get stronger.
I'm ready to leave it all behind.
Lord, I'm ready to say I'm through with this world.
I wanna hear that trumpet sound,
I'm so tired amd weary of livin' with sin and greed.
Lord,I'm ready for paradise with those streets of gold.
Lord, carry me home,
Carry me to your arms.
I wanna see your face and feel your amazing grace and love.
I wanna hear those angels sing "Hallejuiah praise our God."
Lord, I wanna go home.Take me away this I pray.
I fought my fight,
All I see around me is the darkness and fear.
Lord,I wanna see your hold light.
I wanna know I ran my race and I want to hear,
"Well done my child its time to come home."
I'm ready to give up,
I feel my soul slipping away.
Lord, I wanna go home!
I know you never change, but the world around me has.
I can barely make it through each day.
Lord...I'm ready to come home...
Lonely
It's a state of mind,
Not a state of being.
No one is truly ever alone.
God is there.The constant friend to the end.
Sweet Sixteen Blues
I'm in one of those thinking modes.
Trying to figure out life's secret code.
Trying to find the cure to a broken heart.
While crying, struggling, and falling apart.
Less Than Perfect
Lil' Miss Priss...
Goody-2-shoes...
Names I have heard far too often.
Can't they see past the glitz and the glam?
Can't they see the brown eyed dreamer,how I'm not so perfect?
I have a spirit,
I have a goal,
I have a wish,
I have a dream,
I have a name....
It's Less Than Perfect....
WHY?
6 am morning news.
Another crime, another case,
Another life taken away.
You said in the last days to watch the signs.
Well Lord now I'm ready to come home.
How much longer do I have to run the race?
Lord all I want is to feel your embrace.
I want a helping hand,I just can't undersatnd.
It breaks my heart to see this pain all around me.
Lord, You sent Your Son to take this away...
So for now..I'm going to trust in You.
~Untitled~Mustang
Black and white,day and light.
Like a storm ready to quit standing still,
Lighting staining the sky and the thunder rolling over the hills.
I will ride with you,two hearts beating....Raging over the land.
Roaming wild,running free.
With power and spirit unable to hold it back
like the tide that laps at the bay.
You are the horse of old...
You are the war horse,
The painted pony...
Mustang.
Someday My Prince Will Come
A hopeless romantic sits on her bed,
Dreaming of when the prince will come.
She's heard all the tales of happily ever after,
One thought after another dances in her head.
She wonders who her prince will be.
Will he be tall? Will he be handsome? Will he be strong?
The littlest thing although are not what matters!
She's heard her momma say, "Find someone with a heart of gold."
"He must treat my baby as though she were royalty!"
She's heard her loving father tell her,
"Not his strength, but his Christian spirit is what must be strong and bold!"
"Follow our rules and we will let you date…possibly…maybe."
She was a lady and had a free will of her own, but her parents' rules she will obey.
When she was a younger girl she made the mistake of not heeding her parents wise words.
She met someone who caught her eye; pleased she met a boy's fancy.
But love is not what she received; the feeling of guilt and loss is all he left behind.
She would lay at night wide-awake and dread the awful scorn.
How it all cut like a sharp two-edge sword.
She kept the secret about this awful deed, and wore a smile for her parents delight.
The terror and scars became so real once again as she dreamt and was taunted by them at night.
Once and for all she knew it was time to be whole again and come clean.
Harsh word to her great surprise was not what her parents told her.
They were words of love, forgiveness, and hope.
She never forgot that hard-way-learned lesson.
So for now she will trust her heart with her parents and Heavenly Father.
They know what is best, and when a new boy comes her way she will trust them.
Love is most cherished when you know it is worth the wait.
We Remember…
Proudly representing the red, white, and blue…
Risking their lives every day over seas for me and you!
On holidays we stop for a moment of prayer just to remember their name.
We should pray for them everyday just the same.
On Christmas we remember them when we pass by and see,
All the country's hope with our yellow ribbon Christmas tree!
So many have been wounded and died in the midst of the fight,
All the while keeping the flag, family, and freedom in sight.
They proudly would sacrifice for this country even laying down their own life!
When they take that pledge they knew this job would contain hurt and strife!
They get up and do the needed task of serving others every day.
Boldly protecting the president, and every citizen of the U. S. of A.
In a crisis they are the first to respond and the last to retreat.
They are the ones I salute and feel are the real heroes when we have a chance to meet.
They are the USA soldiers!
We remember 9/11/2001! Let freedom ring! ~September 11,2006
That's enough for now I think.:) Let me know what you think!Love you all!Thanks so much for reading my blog!God bless and Merry Christmas!
Dare to dream...Shoot for the moon and atleast you'll end up with the stars.*
Always,
Megan Renee <3
Monday, December 10, 2007
A Blessing.....
This post isn't anything in particular...Just observations from the past week.
Life is so short and so precious...
I had my friend Sara spend all weekend with me and it's been exactly one year since she first saw the Haygoods live. That got us talking about everything that has happened in a year. I then sit back and say,"Has it really already been a year?Wow...."
Also...In one week I am going to be 18....Yowzerz! 18 on the 18th......*Oh!Happy Ealry Birthday to Kim V. who shares her birthday with me! :)*
I sat down and flipped through year books remembering things that I have learned in my life. Today I am going to watch plays I was in for elemtentry before I was homeschooled or in Christian Youth Theatre and decided on stage was where I belong. My favorite play is "A Star Is Born." A Christmas tale about a director who wants to make a movie about the naivity and do it the way God wants him to but everything goes horribly wrong.From "Foolish Wise Man", to a self absorbed "Mary" ,etc. In that play I was a mouse in the stables...But I loved that part! During all the songs I got to get up and dance around.The 2nd act of the play is the story of Christ birth told through the animals eyes who were present in that stable. As I sit here thinking about it,I think about all my friends from school. I see how many of them have choosen paths that I know will lead to a tough life...It's sad....How can so many great kids turn up so bad...It breaks my heart knowing I have very few friends left from the younger years. 2 to be exact.....
When I was elementry we had this "gang"....Sydney,Cortney,Rebecca, Lauren, Hormony, Kelsie, Camarae, Hennrietta, and me. As the older ones moved up to middle school it dwindled down to Sydney,Cortney, Lauren,Rebecca, and me. I lost touch with them or they lost touch with me. Now it's down to Cortney,Sydney and me, and Cortney moved 14 hours away,but we stay in touch constantly.I still miss her tons.It's not like I can go to her house and pop in a movie every time I need to chill. Life is pretty cruel. You know what though? It makes me stop and thank God for my friends even more and makes me thank Him for the friends He has provided for me to fill that void.
Also this weekend I was cleaning my room and found a whole stack of poems I wrote for fun and never did anything with...Those poems represent different times in my life. For my next post I am going to display my different poems and let you guys read about life through my eyes and feelings.I have poems about everythng from my "angels" who have kept me safe,to sadness and disappointment, having fun on the beach, lyrics to songs I never wrote a melody for, and prayers to God to help me make it through life.
"There's always a light at the end of the tunnel.But you gotta go through the darkness first."
Always,
Megan Renee
Life is so short and so precious...
I had my friend Sara spend all weekend with me and it's been exactly one year since she first saw the Haygoods live. That got us talking about everything that has happened in a year. I then sit back and say,"Has it really already been a year?Wow...."
Also...In one week I am going to be 18....Yowzerz! 18 on the 18th......*Oh!Happy Ealry Birthday to Kim V. who shares her birthday with me! :)*
I sat down and flipped through year books remembering things that I have learned in my life. Today I am going to watch plays I was in for elemtentry before I was homeschooled or in Christian Youth Theatre and decided on stage was where I belong. My favorite play is "A Star Is Born." A Christmas tale about a director who wants to make a movie about the naivity and do it the way God wants him to but everything goes horribly wrong.From "Foolish Wise Man", to a self absorbed "Mary" ,etc. In that play I was a mouse in the stables...But I loved that part! During all the songs I got to get up and dance around.The 2nd act of the play is the story of Christ birth told through the animals eyes who were present in that stable. As I sit here thinking about it,I think about all my friends from school. I see how many of them have choosen paths that I know will lead to a tough life...It's sad....How can so many great kids turn up so bad...It breaks my heart knowing I have very few friends left from the younger years. 2 to be exact.....
When I was elementry we had this "gang"....Sydney,Cortney,Rebecca, Lauren, Hormony, Kelsie, Camarae, Hennrietta, and me. As the older ones moved up to middle school it dwindled down to Sydney,Cortney, Lauren,Rebecca, and me. I lost touch with them or they lost touch with me. Now it's down to Cortney,Sydney and me, and Cortney moved 14 hours away,but we stay in touch constantly.I still miss her tons.It's not like I can go to her house and pop in a movie every time I need to chill. Life is pretty cruel. You know what though? It makes me stop and thank God for my friends even more and makes me thank Him for the friends He has provided for me to fill that void.
Also this weekend I was cleaning my room and found a whole stack of poems I wrote for fun and never did anything with...Those poems represent different times in my life. For my next post I am going to display my different poems and let you guys read about life through my eyes and feelings.I have poems about everythng from my "angels" who have kept me safe,to sadness and disappointment, having fun on the beach, lyrics to songs I never wrote a melody for, and prayers to God to help me make it through life.
"There's always a light at the end of the tunnel.But you gotta go through the darkness first."
Always,
Megan Renee
Tuesday, December 4, 2007
A Journey
Hey Everyone.I thought it was time to write out more about what is going on with me.
This is all stuff that is going in the book....Welcome to 'The Journey~Walking Down Life's Road.'
Life goes on whether we want it to or not.Sadly,none of us can stop time and take our sweet time to heal,or go back and fix what we have botched up.I have my list of things I would like nothing better than to go back and redo it all over again.We all do.Probably one thing I would do all over again comes from 2 years ago....
Setting-freshamn in highschool and active in as much of the extra homeschool things as possible. Well noone wanted to coach the volleyball team that year so my mom took over it wanting the girls to have the chance to still play and be able to do games with smaller school like we do every year.However my mom has had no coaching experiance.We did alright our first year.Fastforward to the next year year.I'm a sophmore and my sister is a senior.My friend,"Alicia" and my sister started talking about how they were the only two seniors on the team that year so far so they were going to be captins together. However enters "Jamie" and mom saw her as being a better choice.Problem starts shortly after that.....
Well that year things fell apart horribly!Jamie had bounced back and forth between homeschool and private school and with my sister being coach's daughter and the other girl not being around recently, several people thought my mom's decision for that was totally unfair. My mom based it on who she honestly thought would be responsible. Well tension started building and some of the teammates hated how my sister was handling being captain. That year we did very poorly.JV won 3 games out of 10 or so and Varsity won 2 out 13.I know alot of people blamed my mom and when she tried to have others come in to help who were experianced players they griped about how hard they were working or didn't like the ladies helping mom.So that added to the growing pile of hurtful feelings. 2 weeks before the season was officaily over we went to a homeschool tournament in Springfield,MO. We did pretty well at first but as people tried to over do it and be center of attention, tension started once again....It ended badly.
On the tournament trip we had one other mom with us to help do the driving because not all the girls would fit into our van.(it happened to be "alicia's"....)
We were on the main street of Springfield(can't think of the name) and we were at a stoplight and the girls get out and did a chinese fire drill.Ok..Whatever. Well they did it again and my parents were scared one of the girls were going to get hit because of the street we were on.Dad yelled out his window for them not to do it again.Guess what...they did again.I don't remember how many times total they did it but I know it was several. My dad pulled off into a parking lot and got out of the van.At that moment my sister and I looked at each other and go,"Uh-oh..Oh no!" He had switched to milatary mode. Which was scary. The other van pulled in behind us and dad marched up to the window and started in right away asking the other woman what she was thinking to let the girls do that on such a busy street.Rae Jay and I sunk into our seats as we watched the conversation take place...Dad would never physically harm anyone out of anger but when he had that "Milatary Trained Face" it makes you sink in your seat. Point blank.
Also the fact they had left us out of it and not asked my parents (who technically held the permission slips that said a girl gets hurt its their responsibility to take care of it) that added to the fire.One of the girls who was in the van with us told my parents later they were told not to say a word to us,and two other girls confirmed that. After mom heard that she thought she seriously needed to deal with what was going on to teach the girls a lesson about acting responsible and acting like a team.
Some of the parents thought mom was doing cruel and unusal punishment for trying to take care of the problem.She was talking about benching some of the people for not listening to her."Playing is a privalge." Parents didn't like that....From that things got completely out of hand and blew up worse than any volcano in the world.The whole season and what was remaining was completely and thoroughly ruined.After that I dropped out of nearly every homeschool acivity exceppt a few classes I was too interested in to pass up.Such as writing and acting.But when I found out how many volleyball team mates were in those classes I nearly dropped them. Soon I was totally out of anything dealy with the Saint Joe homeschool co-op.
Well this Saturday oddly enough I hung out with Alicia.We went and had a great time at the local symphony and talked for 2 hours afterward.
What happened 2 years ago was brought up.God has done an amazing thing.As we talked I realized how much more had happened on the sides that I never even realized and probably never would of being the coaches daughter.I admitt...I did not want to listen to anyone else's side.My family was in the right they were in the wrong.End of story.Now I realize that there was mistakes made all around.Including on my part. That event forever changed my friendship with everyone on that varisity team.
It broke my heart that I lost so many friends in a blink of an eye.God showed me the power of forgiveness. Up untill recently I wouldn't go near anyone related to that painful time.
When we step back and say OK God.What do you want from me? How can I be used in this?Even with all the ugliness of everything God can use anything for good.The Bible says we are to be at peace with one another and it mentions many,many times about letting God be God.If God repeats himself it must be pretty important huh?When a teacher repeats themself you know you better take note.Same thing with God.He wants to teach us before we make the mistake and save us the heartache.Ephesians 4:3 clearly states this."Endeavoring to keep the unity of the Spirit in the bond of peace." In other words when we fight agasint what God wants for us we are fighting with the Holy Spirit. It's better to be at peace with God and let Him show you the way.I see now how God turned something bad into something wonderful.Cause of the homeschool fall out I looked into alternative acitivies.Enter CYT. God has worked with me so much through that program and I have met so many people who have deeply enriched my life.
Last night at Bible Study I gave the devotion and used this story.It was alot longer and alot more scriptures but for this post I shorten it.:) haha.
So this one part of my book.Read and enjoy! Feed back would be absolutely wonderful!
~Megan Renee
This is all stuff that is going in the book....Welcome to 'The Journey~Walking Down Life's Road.'
Life goes on whether we want it to or not.Sadly,none of us can stop time and take our sweet time to heal,or go back and fix what we have botched up.I have my list of things I would like nothing better than to go back and redo it all over again.We all do.Probably one thing I would do all over again comes from 2 years ago....
Setting-freshamn in highschool and active in as much of the extra homeschool things as possible. Well noone wanted to coach the volleyball team that year so my mom took over it wanting the girls to have the chance to still play and be able to do games with smaller school like we do every year.However my mom has had no coaching experiance.We did alright our first year.Fastforward to the next year year.I'm a sophmore and my sister is a senior.My friend,"Alicia" and my sister started talking about how they were the only two seniors on the team that year so far so they were going to be captins together. However enters "Jamie" and mom saw her as being a better choice.Problem starts shortly after that.....
Well that year things fell apart horribly!Jamie had bounced back and forth between homeschool and private school and with my sister being coach's daughter and the other girl not being around recently, several people thought my mom's decision for that was totally unfair. My mom based it on who she honestly thought would be responsible. Well tension started building and some of the teammates hated how my sister was handling being captain. That year we did very poorly.JV won 3 games out of 10 or so and Varsity won 2 out 13.I know alot of people blamed my mom and when she tried to have others come in to help who were experianced players they griped about how hard they were working or didn't like the ladies helping mom.So that added to the growing pile of hurtful feelings. 2 weeks before the season was officaily over we went to a homeschool tournament in Springfield,MO. We did pretty well at first but as people tried to over do it and be center of attention, tension started once again....It ended badly.
On the tournament trip we had one other mom with us to help do the driving because not all the girls would fit into our van.(it happened to be "alicia's"....)
We were on the main street of Springfield(can't think of the name) and we were at a stoplight and the girls get out and did a chinese fire drill.Ok..Whatever. Well they did it again and my parents were scared one of the girls were going to get hit because of the street we were on.Dad yelled out his window for them not to do it again.Guess what...they did again.I don't remember how many times total they did it but I know it was several. My dad pulled off into a parking lot and got out of the van.At that moment my sister and I looked at each other and go,"Uh-oh..Oh no!" He had switched to milatary mode. Which was scary. The other van pulled in behind us and dad marched up to the window and started in right away asking the other woman what she was thinking to let the girls do that on such a busy street.Rae Jay and I sunk into our seats as we watched the conversation take place...Dad would never physically harm anyone out of anger but when he had that "Milatary Trained Face" it makes you sink in your seat. Point blank.
Also the fact they had left us out of it and not asked my parents (who technically held the permission slips that said a girl gets hurt its their responsibility to take care of it) that added to the fire.One of the girls who was in the van with us told my parents later they were told not to say a word to us,and two other girls confirmed that. After mom heard that she thought she seriously needed to deal with what was going on to teach the girls a lesson about acting responsible and acting like a team.
Some of the parents thought mom was doing cruel and unusal punishment for trying to take care of the problem.She was talking about benching some of the people for not listening to her."Playing is a privalge." Parents didn't like that....From that things got completely out of hand and blew up worse than any volcano in the world.The whole season and what was remaining was completely and thoroughly ruined.After that I dropped out of nearly every homeschool acivity exceppt a few classes I was too interested in to pass up.Such as writing and acting.But when I found out how many volleyball team mates were in those classes I nearly dropped them. Soon I was totally out of anything dealy with the Saint Joe homeschool co-op.
Well this Saturday oddly enough I hung out with Alicia.We went and had a great time at the local symphony and talked for 2 hours afterward.
What happened 2 years ago was brought up.God has done an amazing thing.As we talked I realized how much more had happened on the sides that I never even realized and probably never would of being the coaches daughter.I admitt...I did not want to listen to anyone else's side.My family was in the right they were in the wrong.End of story.Now I realize that there was mistakes made all around.Including on my part. That event forever changed my friendship with everyone on that varisity team.
It broke my heart that I lost so many friends in a blink of an eye.God showed me the power of forgiveness. Up untill recently I wouldn't go near anyone related to that painful time.
When we step back and say OK God.What do you want from me? How can I be used in this?Even with all the ugliness of everything God can use anything for good.The Bible says we are to be at peace with one another and it mentions many,many times about letting God be God.If God repeats himself it must be pretty important huh?When a teacher repeats themself you know you better take note.Same thing with God.He wants to teach us before we make the mistake and save us the heartache.Ephesians 4:3 clearly states this."Endeavoring to keep the unity of the Spirit in the bond of peace." In other words when we fight agasint what God wants for us we are fighting with the Holy Spirit. It's better to be at peace with God and let Him show you the way.I see now how God turned something bad into something wonderful.Cause of the homeschool fall out I looked into alternative acitivies.Enter CYT. God has worked with me so much through that program and I have met so many people who have deeply enriched my life.
Last night at Bible Study I gave the devotion and used this story.It was alot longer and alot more scriptures but for this post I shorten it.:) haha.
So this one part of my book.Read and enjoy! Feed back would be absolutely wonderful!
~Megan Renee
Saturday, November 24, 2007
My Grown Up Christmas List...A preveiw of my writings.
Do you remember me
I sat upon your knee
I wrote to you
With childhood fantasies
Well, I'm all grown up now
And still need help somehow
I'm not a child
But my heart still can dream
So here's my lifelong wish
My grown up christmas list
Not for myself
But for a world in need
No more lives torn apart
That wars would never start
and wars would never start
And time would heal all hearts
And everyone would have a friend
And right would always win
And love would never end
This is my grown up christmas list
As children we believed
The grandest sight to see
Was something lovely
Wrapped beneath our tree
Well heaven only knows
That packages and bows
Can never heal
A hurting human soul
What is this illusion called the innocence of youth
Maybe only in our blind belief can we ever find the truth
(there'd be)
*cracks nuckles...Pepare for a llllllloooooooooooooonnnnnnnnnnnngggggggggg post!*
*I've learned alot this year...But for you to understand you need to read what has been going on in this last year....*
In this past year I have lost and gained friends.I have lost time with family and friends.I have felt so much grief.I can't believe how much one thing after another has hit me. Any more it feels like I am alone.When I was younger I was care free and everything was always okey-dokey. Nothing could ever go wrong.Christmas was all about the ribbons,bows, and packages under the tree.Now that I look back what made it so great was the family time. Sitting around the table spending most of Christmas day eating and playing card/board games with my cousins and laughing until I couldn't breath. Not this year.Even though we got together for thanksgiving since Grandma and Grandpa weren't there cause of Grandma being sick it wasn't the same.Plus we had several people missing due to being in college.My sister included.This year for christmas it is going to be totally different.My sister will be home but everything else will be different.Grandma will be doing chemo and can't be around anyone.Also we aren't doing presents this year which is going to be extreamly weird.The Higginbotham family probably won't get together at all.
We also go to Branson every year around Christmas time.Either the week before or the week after.Guess what.Not going this year.So much is happening...changing...Everything is different.Its not that I hate change.Change can be good,but stuff like this....Its scary.I trade anything to have everything back to normal...Some things I can't have go back to normal.Like my sister being college.I know she belongs there,but I wish other things were different.
I love my friends but at the moment I'm stuck between a rock and a hard spot. I have one friend on this side who is mad at me all the time any more and I have no idea why...Well I do but at things I can't control. I just wish she would cut me some slack and understand life happens...Stuff happens that are out of our control.In other words she was counting on going to Branson with me in a month and we can't go and she already got the permission from her parents and the time off work. I told her that plans weren't final and she just needed to think about going.I never said we were 100% going. My other friend I'm around constantly..Well...She has different veiws on life and we don't always see eye to eye on beliefs.I can talk to her about thing and she always listens but I know I need..How do I say this...More Christian like advice. I have tons of friends at CYT but I'm in St.jo and they are all over the KC area,so we are only together for CYT events. I know I can call them when ever I need to and that is a relief but I wish I could have them right here to sit and hug me as I cry.
I go to a small church and we go to it because of the beliefs they have.It matches ours.But everyone there is much younger than me or adults.Ok ok ok ok...You should go to church to worship but I wish I had some church friends that I could really relay on.I know I need to trust God more but even Jesus while on Earth choose a group of friends to be around.Is it wrong to want Christian companions to be around when I can't be around my CYT friends?*sigh*
My mom has to stay working for her hospital for a few more years cause they are paying for her schooling.By then hopefully I will be in college full time.We orginally moved here due to my parents jobs.After my mom is finished she wants to move.We have no family keeping us here. So to be honest after I'm done with college I am seriously wondering if I will ever return to Saint Joe.I don't know where God wants me,but I do know what I am going to do with my life.Kids and teens are going to be my life.I baby sit atleast 2 times a week and love being around all the lil kids in CYT. The love it when I sit and play with them.I enjoy it.
This next part is strictly self pitty.All my friends my age are dating or have dated recently.I feel left out and sit and wonder what's wrong with me.*deep breath*I'm stepping on a limb here*When I was younger....I had a bad experiance with a guy who was 5 years older than me.I was attacked by him...I was shy and some times down right scared to be around guys.Only in this past year did I come to grasp how much it really did shatter me. I had nightmares about HIM coming back for me for the longest time.Well..They went away and they came back last week.I was at CYT when it happened.I fell asleep at the lock-in and woke up crying.My friends asked what was wrong and I couldn't bring myself to tell them at that moment about...Well..Why I was crying. Something that night at CYT had triggered the nightmares.
So now I blame myself and kick myself all the time when I have the chance ot be around decent guys (like at CYT for ex.) and I feel like such an idiot when I start panicking over the littlest things around guys I know for A FACT WILL NOT hurt me.I'm afraid its something I will fight for quite a while....But I know I am going to be ok and when God brings along the right guy he will be so perfect for me nothing about him will trigger memories.The waiting is what is frustrating.Especially when I see my friends going on dates all the time and flirting with guys left and right and able to get guys attnetion with a snap of their fingers as I stand there quietly.
OK!So onto the point..In everything that has happened recently and to me in my life I have learned alot...All of this that you have just read is going in the book that I am working on.Hoping to inspire girls to not be afraid to step up and do the right thing when its the hardest.How to stay strong and make it through the toughest times in life.God has brought me through so much and is going to continue watching over me and helping me make it through life.
So My ONE Chtristmas wish for this year if nothing else is that you got something out this and I touched your life some how.
"Hate always has a reason..Love is unreasonable."
Always,
Meg Renee
I sat upon your knee
I wrote to you
With childhood fantasies
Well, I'm all grown up now
And still need help somehow
I'm not a child
But my heart still can dream
So here's my lifelong wish
My grown up christmas list
Not for myself
But for a world in need
No more lives torn apart
That wars would never start
and wars would never start
And time would heal all hearts
And everyone would have a friend
And right would always win
And love would never end
This is my grown up christmas list
As children we believed
The grandest sight to see
Was something lovely
Wrapped beneath our tree
Well heaven only knows
That packages and bows
Can never heal
A hurting human soul
What is this illusion called the innocence of youth
Maybe only in our blind belief can we ever find the truth
(there'd be)
*cracks nuckles...Pepare for a llllllloooooooooooooonnnnnnnnnnnngggggggggg post!*
*I've learned alot this year...But for you to understand you need to read what has been going on in this last year....*
In this past year I have lost and gained friends.I have lost time with family and friends.I have felt so much grief.I can't believe how much one thing after another has hit me. Any more it feels like I am alone.When I was younger I was care free and everything was always okey-dokey. Nothing could ever go wrong.Christmas was all about the ribbons,bows, and packages under the tree.Now that I look back what made it so great was the family time. Sitting around the table spending most of Christmas day eating and playing card/board games with my cousins and laughing until I couldn't breath. Not this year.Even though we got together for thanksgiving since Grandma and Grandpa weren't there cause of Grandma being sick it wasn't the same.Plus we had several people missing due to being in college.My sister included.This year for christmas it is going to be totally different.My sister will be home but everything else will be different.Grandma will be doing chemo and can't be around anyone.Also we aren't doing presents this year which is going to be extreamly weird.The Higginbotham family probably won't get together at all.
We also go to Branson every year around Christmas time.Either the week before or the week after.Guess what.Not going this year.So much is happening...changing...Everything is different.Its not that I hate change.Change can be good,but stuff like this....Its scary.I trade anything to have everything back to normal...Some things I can't have go back to normal.Like my sister being college.I know she belongs there,but I wish other things were different.
I love my friends but at the moment I'm stuck between a rock and a hard spot. I have one friend on this side who is mad at me all the time any more and I have no idea why...Well I do but at things I can't control. I just wish she would cut me some slack and understand life happens...Stuff happens that are out of our control.In other words she was counting on going to Branson with me in a month and we can't go and she already got the permission from her parents and the time off work. I told her that plans weren't final and she just needed to think about going.I never said we were 100% going. My other friend I'm around constantly..Well...She has different veiws on life and we don't always see eye to eye on beliefs.I can talk to her about thing and she always listens but I know I need..How do I say this...More Christian like advice. I have tons of friends at CYT but I'm in St.jo and they are all over the KC area,so we are only together for CYT events. I know I can call them when ever I need to and that is a relief but I wish I could have them right here to sit and hug me as I cry.
I go to a small church and we go to it because of the beliefs they have.It matches ours.But everyone there is much younger than me or adults.Ok ok ok ok...You should go to church to worship but I wish I had some church friends that I could really relay on.I know I need to trust God more but even Jesus while on Earth choose a group of friends to be around.Is it wrong to want Christian companions to be around when I can't be around my CYT friends?*sigh*
My mom has to stay working for her hospital for a few more years cause they are paying for her schooling.By then hopefully I will be in college full time.We orginally moved here due to my parents jobs.After my mom is finished she wants to move.We have no family keeping us here. So to be honest after I'm done with college I am seriously wondering if I will ever return to Saint Joe.I don't know where God wants me,but I do know what I am going to do with my life.Kids and teens are going to be my life.I baby sit atleast 2 times a week and love being around all the lil kids in CYT. The love it when I sit and play with them.I enjoy it.
This next part is strictly self pitty.All my friends my age are dating or have dated recently.I feel left out and sit and wonder what's wrong with me.*deep breath*I'm stepping on a limb here*When I was younger....I had a bad experiance with a guy who was 5 years older than me.I was attacked by him...I was shy and some times down right scared to be around guys.Only in this past year did I come to grasp how much it really did shatter me. I had nightmares about HIM coming back for me for the longest time.Well..They went away and they came back last week.I was at CYT when it happened.I fell asleep at the lock-in and woke up crying.My friends asked what was wrong and I couldn't bring myself to tell them at that moment about...Well..Why I was crying. Something that night at CYT had triggered the nightmares.
So now I blame myself and kick myself all the time when I have the chance ot be around decent guys (like at CYT for ex.) and I feel like such an idiot when I start panicking over the littlest things around guys I know for A FACT WILL NOT hurt me.I'm afraid its something I will fight for quite a while....But I know I am going to be ok and when God brings along the right guy he will be so perfect for me nothing about him will trigger memories.The waiting is what is frustrating.Especially when I see my friends going on dates all the time and flirting with guys left and right and able to get guys attnetion with a snap of their fingers as I stand there quietly.
OK!So onto the point..In everything that has happened recently and to me in my life I have learned alot...All of this that you have just read is going in the book that I am working on.Hoping to inspire girls to not be afraid to step up and do the right thing when its the hardest.How to stay strong and make it through the toughest times in life.God has brought me through so much and is going to continue watching over me and helping me make it through life.
So My ONE Chtristmas wish for this year if nothing else is that you got something out this and I touched your life some how.
"Hate always has a reason..Love is unreasonable."
Always,
Meg Renee
Wednesday, November 21, 2007
A Rollercoaster!...Look Ma!No hands!
My life has been up &down,up&down...Great news one moment,horrible the next!
Thought I'd shead a lil light on my family for this first part......
Feel sorry for my parents!My mom is working full time and being a full time student as she works on her bacherlors in nursing,She already a LPN but her work is pushing for everyone to become a RN so she is back in school.She has one year left!Whew!Been a long last few years.She does a lot.
My dad is a retired air-force mechanic as I said in my last post but he is far from actually retired.He is a mechanic for choach buses that go where in the country needed,including Branson.=) I heard all about how there was 10 some buses a few weeks ago down there and how he did not feel like driving all the way to Branson to fix a window on one of the buses.Thankfully he didn't have to go and was able ot head to bed early that night.lol!
On December 18th I turn the big 1-8! officialy an adult! With my sister in PA I was hoping I would be able to go out there her last week of school before Christmas break and spend my birthday week with her.No such luck.Dratz! That was very disappointing.But however she will be home Dec. 21st.
I am currently making a C in my College Bio-101 class but I think I will be able to pull out with a solid B or even an A!the final exam is Dec. 12th! Oh joy...lol!
Things are getting better about people telling me about my priorities.What made it so hard was it was my sunday school teachers! Two ladies I deeply trusted..They thought it was taking me away from church and not doing an ounce of good!.....But however things are simmiring down and I think worked out. Yay! :-)
I have had a pretty interesting life so far for a senior in highschool and I have had some hard times before I even had my permit....Well I have decided to go through and turn my many poems and journals (that I have filled to the max in the last few years) and use them to write a book for teen girls and include devotion entries.Include Bible verses that have helped me get through the nightmares and heartaches....I'll keep everyone posted about it and post chapters as I get it done.Wish me luck!
"God gave us memories so that we may have roses in December!"
~Megan Renee
Thought I'd shead a lil light on my family for this first part......
Feel sorry for my parents!My mom is working full time and being a full time student as she works on her bacherlors in nursing,She already a LPN but her work is pushing for everyone to become a RN so she is back in school.She has one year left!Whew!Been a long last few years.She does a lot.
My dad is a retired air-force mechanic as I said in my last post but he is far from actually retired.He is a mechanic for choach buses that go where in the country needed,including Branson.=) I heard all about how there was 10 some buses a few weeks ago down there and how he did not feel like driving all the way to Branson to fix a window on one of the buses.Thankfully he didn't have to go and was able ot head to bed early that night.lol!
On December 18th I turn the big 1-8! officialy an adult! With my sister in PA I was hoping I would be able to go out there her last week of school before Christmas break and spend my birthday week with her.No such luck.Dratz! That was very disappointing.But however she will be home Dec. 21st.
I am currently making a C in my College Bio-101 class but I think I will be able to pull out with a solid B or even an A!the final exam is Dec. 12th! Oh joy...lol!
Things are getting better about people telling me about my priorities.What made it so hard was it was my sunday school teachers! Two ladies I deeply trusted..They thought it was taking me away from church and not doing an ounce of good!.....But however things are simmiring down and I think worked out. Yay! :-)
I have had a pretty interesting life so far for a senior in highschool and I have had some hard times before I even had my permit....Well I have decided to go through and turn my many poems and journals (that I have filled to the max in the last few years) and use them to write a book for teen girls and include devotion entries.Include Bible verses that have helped me get through the nightmares and heartaches....I'll keep everyone posted about it and post chapters as I get it done.Wish me luck!
"God gave us memories so that we may have roses in December!"
~Megan Renee
Saturday, November 10, 2007
A Movie
Hey everyone...I titled this post A Movie cause my life is like a movie....Then next time it'll probably be music,or a rollercoaster or something like that.Think ya' got the hint of where I'm going with this.
I say a movie cause I mean how many of us sit and watch these movies where the hero/main character has great odds to over come and they do.Well this past months I felt like I could write one of those feel goood scripts off of my life.
Getting used to my sister being in Pennsylavania and my brother being gonne all year around due the Navy just as I get used to having my dad home all the time since hes retired from the milatary...Every time I turn around something new is popping up trying to dappen my joy and my happiness.I posted a blog on myspace (www.myspace.com/megzrenee17) and one of my friends made the comment they were so surprised when they read that cause I was always so cheerful.I don't think so but I guess I pull it off so well people usually take it for granet that I have any problems.Ha! I wish.I'm currently working on finishing up highschool and working on college classes.I have a variety of extra activities.Piano lessons,CYT,horse back riding etc.
Well people are trying to tell me I have my priorities all screwed up and what I am doing is unexceptable cause I will never use theatre forever and its a waste of my time.EXCUSE ME! I want to be a drama teacher at camps and stuff for troubled and underprivaleged kids.I want to go into physcology for my major and a minor in journalism and drama ministries.Use my writings/poetry and drama skills to help reach out to kids.I want to leave a mark on this world for the betterment of the world.....Yet people are trying to tell me that its useless and I DON'T need drama to do my Christian Conceling and stuff...As I said....EXCUSE ME!
I have a chance to get some great opportunities through my acting. It has taught me so much! Especially with my first lead in Snow White as 'Crone'.It taught me so much how to be a leader and how to be someone who is so busy wit htheir own role and lines yet knows how to watch out for everyone else.
Anm I wrong in feeling this way or is it all pride? What do you think? Care to share some thoughts?Love to here some! Feel free to comment!
We will see how this "movie" plays it self out as I audition for Suessical the Musical and the next semister of CYT comes up.Its SHOW TIME!
Sit back and watch it unfold...Here we go....Let the adventure begin....
Quote of the Week, "It's kinda fun to do the impossible."~Walt Disney
Always,
Meg Renee
I say a movie cause I mean how many of us sit and watch these movies where the hero/main character has great odds to over come and they do.Well this past months I felt like I could write one of those feel goood scripts off of my life.
Getting used to my sister being in Pennsylavania and my brother being gonne all year around due the Navy just as I get used to having my dad home all the time since hes retired from the milatary...Every time I turn around something new is popping up trying to dappen my joy and my happiness.I posted a blog on myspace (www.myspace.com/megzrenee17) and one of my friends made the comment they were so surprised when they read that cause I was always so cheerful.I don't think so but I guess I pull it off so well people usually take it for granet that I have any problems.Ha! I wish.I'm currently working on finishing up highschool and working on college classes.I have a variety of extra activities.Piano lessons,CYT,horse back riding etc.
Well people are trying to tell me I have my priorities all screwed up and what I am doing is unexceptable cause I will never use theatre forever and its a waste of my time.EXCUSE ME! I want to be a drama teacher at camps and stuff for troubled and underprivaleged kids.I want to go into physcology for my major and a minor in journalism and drama ministries.Use my writings/poetry and drama skills to help reach out to kids.I want to leave a mark on this world for the betterment of the world.....Yet people are trying to tell me that its useless and I DON'T need drama to do my Christian Conceling and stuff...As I said....EXCUSE ME!
I have a chance to get some great opportunities through my acting. It has taught me so much! Especially with my first lead in Snow White as 'Crone'.It taught me so much how to be a leader and how to be someone who is so busy wit htheir own role and lines yet knows how to watch out for everyone else.
Anm I wrong in feeling this way or is it all pride? What do you think? Care to share some thoughts?Love to here some! Feel free to comment!
We will see how this "movie" plays it self out as I audition for Suessical the Musical and the next semister of CYT comes up.Its SHOW TIME!
Sit back and watch it unfold...Here we go....Let the adventure begin....
Quote of the Week, "It's kinda fun to do the impossible."~Walt Disney
Always,
Meg Renee
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