Friday, January 25, 2008

"Life Is Like A Paino...."


"......What You Get Out Of It Depends How You Play It."

"He Who Sings Prays Twice."

These are some of the sayings my piano teacher has hanging on her wall right above the piano. Every week I see these. Last night I had a wonderful piano lesson and felt so proud of myself for accomplishing different things I have been working on. Also I heard someone( I don't remember who say,"When I stand before the Lord in Heaven I want to hold out empty hands and say,'I have no talent left.I used it all for You.' " This is a good life philosophy. How many of us truly want to be able to say that and hear, "Well done good and faithful servant." Now that I am learning and advancing more quickly in piano I hope to be able to continue writing songs. (That is another thing I finished.My very first original song.Complete with lyrics and music.:-) ) So yeah. I have tons of poems I would love to put music to and perform them in church! That would be so neat.

Last time I performed in church was for my sisters graduation song and I did great for the rehearsal, even Pastor was impressed. Came time to play and totally screwed it. I can't watch the grad. tape with out groaning and wanting to kick myself.I just need to relax when playing for people. I can wail away on the piano at Sherry's house,(my Sunday school teacher who can no longer play cause of arthritis but she loves listening to me) and at home when I'm alone or just for my sis. Anyone else and it's ....Uhhhh...Not my best.*rollseyes* I guess its cause at Sherry's I usually play when everyone is up and talking and having fun.So all attention is 100% on me, and if they are listening it is just cause they thoroughly enjoy it. It's easy to play and show off for them. When Rae was home and I started making up stuff as I played at Sherri's, she called it, "Mad-genius-time. " haha! I just wish I could put that ease into recitals and playing for a crowd. Also when I was the Crone I had butterflies in my stomach when doing it,but it was a good thing. It was out of sheer enjoyment and excitement for performing. Although now that I've done that it'll help me with performing at piano recitals and such.

I guess this saying is sticking with me cause Rae will most likely stay in PA for the summer.That means missing my recital in April, missing Mulan,(my play in May) ,going to go see Wicked the Musical when it comes to KC in May, my Footloose performance for acting camp in August, and summer vacations to Branson. She will not miss my high school graduation.I know she refuses to. But that will be the only time I see her this summer. As much as I am thinking,"Grrrrr......" I know it is being selfish. She said if God wants her to stay in PA for the summer she will be invited to and it is looking promising that she will. That is a huge honor and accomplishment for her cause when she was home in Dec. she was thinking it was a no cause she was not being every thing they needed for a camp councilor for the summer horse camps up there. Well since she came back from break they have seen a huge difference in her, so I am proud of her! I really am! I was talking to my friend Sara last night on the phone about it and she said,"That is great for her!...but what about you...I know how hard it was on you when she first left.You were..Ummm....Shall we say...Ummm...Upset to say the least?" Sara stayed with me while mom and dad took Rae to PA since I stayed home due to school and Snow White. There was definitely days she found me in my room crying. So I am praying for myself and for Rae Jay as she makes the decision to stay. I know how badly she wants to be home but I know she would be blessed so much if she stayed and helped for the summer. Love you all and thanks for reading!

Always,
Meg Renee'

*pic above, me and my sis at a homeschool formal*

Thursday, January 17, 2008

Here's the 411 on my life right now....

I'm learning to trust God..I seem to have to learn that lesson over and over again.:-) But every time He is there waiting with His arms open wide wanting me to seek shelter in His love and care. I have been feeling lonely...During Snow White I was able to talk about God and life with Adrienne whenever I needed to.Adrienne and I watched out for each other.Thats just what we did. Adrienne isn't doing this play. I know I could probably do that with any-one in CYT (after all it is Christian Youth Theatre) but I just felt the most comfortable talking with Adrienne since I've known her the longest from Homeschool Volleyball team. I guess for this show I am just going to have to find someone else I can talk to.

Rachel is back in PA and I miss her terribly. We had such a fun time in Branson..I look at pictures and smile. Last night I spent 40 minuets on the phone with her.Mom couldn't believe it but I don't find it hard to believe. We had alot to talk about such as guys,life,whats new,what we are dealing with on our opposite sides of the country,etc Also..Yesterday was Wednesday...Alright..I know just saying that no one will get that. See when Rae was home every Wednesday afternoon we watched Beauty & the Beast(the 1980's show with Linda Hamilton and Ron Pearlman) and Justice Leauge, and bought some ice/chocolate and curled up on the couch just spending time together. It was just what we did. So yesterday I found myself watching "Arabseque". One of my favorite Beauty and the Beast episodes.
In that episode a old childhood crush comes back after being gone for years and brings back painful memories for Vincent.(the beast) Cause right before she left he accidently hurt her with his beast like hands and never forgave himself. Well Catherine(the Beauty) does not get the story on what happens for the longest time and it hurts her that he withholds the truth from her. Finally at the end he tells her and after he explains everything he shamefully looks at the hands that hurt Lisa(his childhood friend) and says,"That's when I knew these hands were never meant to give love..." Catherine then takes his hands in hers and says, "These hands are beautiful...These hands are my hands." That got me thinking..We all have a flaw that we are ashamed about. A part of us that will always have a scar from a broken heart and painful memories... But when we find "the one" for us they will find even our ugliest points beautiful. For me it will be someone who won't mind I wear glasses and other things that I hate....ok...strike that..."Completely and totally don't like" about myself.

So that is my life lately. I am trying to surround myself with Christians and remember God has a plan in all this somewhere. We all go through trials and storms in our lives and this is just another one in mine. Thanks for reading! Later!

"I feel like I'm stummbling through life and its only when I look back that I can see the bigger picture."

Always,
Megan Renee

Monday, January 7, 2008

2007 wasn't that bad after all....

I've been doing alot of thinking lately..2007 wasn't that bad of a year after all but it did have it's down points....

EX: My sis moving and my brother moving away leaving me the last kid at home...In the state for that matter.....Chris is in North Carolina when not on ship and Rae in Pennsylvania....Doing my first lead and neither one of my siblings seeing it....Finding out my grandmother had a sever type of cancer...Not having a traditional thanksgiving or having the first Christmas ever with my grandparents and family....

But good side...I made lots of new friends in CYT....Haygoods came to Saint Joe and had a sold out show.(that was a blast..Came close to fan night.)...Got to go to Branson 4 times!....(Wow...Can't believe I got to go that many!)..Went to my first Haygoods Fan Night and met tons of cool people! ..Went to my first formal dance ever!...(I've been to formal dinners but never a dance.) Before the dance my sis and I went out to eat at one of the nicest resturants with a bunch of CYT friends and we rode to the resturant and then to the dance in a limo!It was a stretch Hummer limo! Can we say,"SWEET!!!!!"It wasa blast! 15(ish) CYT kids blaring musicals such as WICKED to and from the resturant singing away and having a great time enjoying being with friends. So when we showed up at the dance they had a red carpet out and we all felt like celeberties and there was 2 girls to every guy so the guys walked in with a girl on each arm....HA! Actors...What can you say? lol! I also went to my first CYT Camp which totally changed my life! Even though it's "acting camp" they always made time to praise and worship God and it was so beautiful...Nothing more powerful; then 70 some teens gathered together singing praise songs late at night,remembering what Christ did for us. It brought tears to my eyes...Rae cried..She said at the moment she was scared about leaving but had a total peace about it and knew everything was going to be ok when she left...I held her and hugged her letting her cry on my shoulder while we sang...Before too long,before I knew what had happened we were being surrounded by friends...All the close friends I had made the year before and the new ones I made at camp...They gathered around us praying.Just being there for us..Not knowing details and not caring what was wrong...

I was told numerous times during Snow White how much people admired my "cool,calm, and collected" attitude that I had about everything...That I was being so level headed about everything..Wanan know the truth...Inside I was shaking my lil pointy nose off....My first play without my sis and I cheering each other on...


So now when Suessical comes up I know I can make it through..I have my parents,the CYT adults who look out for me, my directors who are there for me, and my fellow cast members. It's my final year in Highschool and things are kinda wacky and stressful but I know I can make it through...I miss my siblings so much.I hate being an only child..My big brother who used to always be there for me and had way to much fun picking on me, and my best friend and sister who I would talk to anything about....

I know I have so much more to learn and God has so much more for me in 2008...I am going to welcome it with open arms and know every bit is a prepation for something else....

"Stress hasn't killed me yet...Neither has broken dreams, a broken heart, or smashed hopes....I'm still here..."

Always,
~Megan Renee'

Wednesday, January 2, 2008

a 2nd chance....


My first post of 2008....I have alot swirling around in my brain...I just had to write it all out...This might come out as more of a soap-box moment...Eventually I'll figure out how to turn it around to something spiritual...

Now that I am offcialy 18 I have this saying my Aunt Kay keeps telling me."Once your an adult you can't just say,"Oops..I didn't know"...Don't be in a hurry to grow up,Megan..."
It's a conversation I've had with her many times,along with other things.
Something I recommened to everyone is to have an older adult they trust to talk to. Me,I have my parents,people at church and relatives.I'm very blessed to have so many older people to share their wisdom with me.You can learn so much listening to others. It's something that seems to be lacking in people. I have so many friends who just don't want to listen to what people have to say and it's got them in trouble.I'm not trying to rag on my friends but it deeply upsets me.I L-O-V-E Aretha's Franklin's "R-E-S-P-E-C-T". When I was in creative & described writing class for homeschoolers, my teacher sang that song constantly in class and had it printed on the top of every page as a reminder for when you were proof-reading for other people. I learn more in that class about writing then ever....*sigh*..I miss that class.

Any who....Another thing that has been rolling around in my thoughts is respect for yourself.Another thing lacking in today's society.Only 18 and I feel like I've out lived my time...I know to many girls who have given themselves away at way too young of an age...I just found out a friend who is only 3 months older than me is pregnant...I love kids and baby-sit several times a week, for several different people,but I can't imagine being a mom and still in school...I have another friend in such a hurry to know she is worth something,she HAS to have a man 24/7 to be happy...She rushed into a marriage and after being married for only 6 months...is now gettin divorced....

God is a God of 2nd chances and if you have messed up He will forgive you and make you whole if you ask Him..It's never too late to be redeamed."He's redeamed time..." as one of my favorite skits says.

Everyday is a new day and a new beginning. That is why I love drawing and sketching sunrises.Some of my favorite songs deal with sunrises.That is probably why I am such a morning person.

One of my favorite memories from elementry days was during the summer,I would stay with my dad's parents,and every morning my grandpa would sit on the back patio with his cup of coffee watching the sunrise.I still think of that every time I smell coffee.Not cappicinno smell,but the strong brewed stuff.We would sit there talking and watch the town come to life as the day light grew.My grandma never came out untill later and my sister always slept in,so it was always just the 2 of us. :-) I miss those days.Now with my grandma having cancer I'm not able to be around as much...

From Disney's Newies....(I loved doing this play...)
Friends of the friendless, seize the day Raise up the torch and light the way Proud and defiant We'll slay the giant Let us seize the day Neighbor to neighbor Father to son One for all and all for one

Always,
~Megan Renee*