So Confused...

I had my final English project due yesterday, and Algebra final is tomorrow.Should be doing work for it but my brain hurts just thinking about it.LOL! Naw.I will do some here in a bit.I have my Psychology Final Friday, and Sociology on Monday.

So I am almost done with my semester at Missouri Western.As much as I love the Baptist Student Union people I have met, and got to hang out with old home school friends...I hate MO West. I am so miserable there. I was hoping and praying to be accepted this fall into College of the Ozarks. I actually heard from them last Thursday but haven't had time to sit and write this out. I am on the "waiting list". It means I could still get in,but I still may not.They are not making the actual list until Mid-May. Some people just smile and tell me, "God's timing." Some are telling me its God way of telling me to look else where.Then my parents are telling me to try again and try to get in for Spring of 2010 if I do not get in this fall. Me...I'm not sure of anything right now. All I know is I do not like here. Sometime I wonder if there is nothing wrong here and it's me in the wrong.I don't know. I thought I had everything figured out and now I don't know. I wake up some mornings just to cry. I do not know why I feel this way but I do. My sister and I kinda had it out yesterday. She told me she feels like she has to walk on eggshells around me and apologize for having a life, cause I hold it against her. Maybe I do. She told me, "You're a pretty girl but you will never be beautiful until you get whatever God is dealing with you about, worked out. But quit making my life miserable as well!" *told ya we had it out.* There is only a few things I know I am good at right now. One, my writing and two, living in a mask. I thought I had whatever was dragging me down, beat. But I am fighting myself all over again. My Sunday school teacher asked if God wants me to give up some stuff. That includes my theatre. I don't know. Like I said. I don't know anything right now. I think I will not be happy till I'm away from here. Whatever it is I need to find, it isn't here. But at the same time I hear myself thinking that is your problem. You're just unhappy cause things are not going your way. I'm so confused about a lot right now.
Megan

Ok..A Lil Update.

Ok...I have been so swamped with school. These weeks are flying by. Can you believe that I only have 2 weeks of school left!?!?! WOW! All I know is I am ready for it to be done with.I am behind on math ,(BAD MEGAN!) but my other classes are doing well. The other classes are 2 B's and 1 A.I would love to say I am a straight A student but I am not.Also I get tired very easily of school. I love school but it is very draining for me because of the atmosphere and everything. I know I was pretty shut in to myself there for a while and I trudged through everything I did. including work and my boss noticed. EEP! But she told me to step up my game and things would be fine. That was a month ago and no more comments so I guess I am doing fine. As school is finished I am going to ask for more hours. I am working ver y little right now but i think it's probably best right now with school winding down and finals coming up.

Ok..The whole Rae and Chuck thing. I have a peace about it. I am letting her do her thing and I am officially stepping off the band wagon and my high horse. He told me his testimony and concerning certain people I wonder if it is all the truth bit he swares it is. Not saying he is a liar, just maybe exaggerating it a little. but I wasn't there when these events took place so I have no idea and am letting it go. I'm following the wise words of the lyrics, "Let it be.." lol! Some of you will get that. haha. ;) However this whole cute thing is...well...yeah... I mean if it was me I know I would be going ,"AWW!! HOW CUTE!!! HOW SWEET!!!!" Never thought I'd be one to say this but, this too much sweetness is making me sick. I mean they texted for 30 mins before class today. All the while him counting down till he saw her again and other mushy stuff.*rolleyes* He texts her every morning before he goes to bed from the night shift, "good morning beautiful" Totally sweet but ...idk...makes me roll my eyes. lol! Today we were at the Baptist Student Union building for lunch and Rae was telling our friends there about this guy she's been hanging out with and I interrupted, "Dating.." Sarah aka Bwana laughed, "I just love how Megan just flat out says it and gets to the chase." One thing I will greatly miss about MoWest is Wednesday BSU days. I love that place and Wednesdays are the highlight of my week. Next week is the last week for Wednesday lunch before it shuts down for the semester cause after that we get into finals week.*sigh* Well I'm gone. Love you guys!
Megan