A Season....My next chapter.Do I have any regrets.

Wow....What a whirl wind week,and the madness continues.

Yesterday I had a meeting for the home-school formal.The girls who are helping me are....ummm...How to put this.Past acquaintances,shall we say.In other words we used to be friends.When they came over the other 4 girls were pilled on my couch while I was perched on my piano bench.We agreed for most of the part but they talked me into setting the formal back till May. So it's like,whatever,but now I have to worry about making sure my entertainment and speaker will be available.*rolleyes* GAG! Now I'm thinking I just want to get it over with.I was excited about banquet,but now.Its going to be one big pain.*sigh* Home-schoolers have a way of doing that to me.

In other light,part of me, hates it. When I had the great volley ball fall out,I still hung around the home-scoolers and took classes, but I felt like the black sheep who nobody liked.That was one reason I joined CYT.I was looking for an outlet with out doing volleyball. The girls had lost my trust and I had lost theirs.It was something stupid that got blown way out of porpotion.That was over 2 years and I'm just starting to re-get in contact with them. Yesterday, when they were piled on the couch giggling and their conversation wandered off to something I didn't get cause I wasn't in the "loop" any more,it slightly hurt. I had to sit and wander if I had regrets about my decisions. If I had kept up with volleyball would I ever have joined CYT?I'm not sure I would of.Cause one thing that drove me to do CYT was I had to get away from the home-schoolers and make new friends.It was too painful to be around them.

In that time I had before I joined CYT my sister and I got so close.We were each others best friends.We had no one else and that was okay.We were always close but we truly became sisters and best friends in those 6 months of being lonely.Also I found something to be passionate about in acting,I found out I was good at stuff I didn't know I was, and I have new friends I would never trade the world for. My parents have friends in the adults of CYT. My parents love being invovled with it as much as I do. My sister had never felt like she fit in anywhere.In CYT she found tons of friends and that she fits in just fine. Mariah,one of the girls said it best."People who don't fit any where else,fit in here." But I still sit and can't help but think life would be like if I had kept my friends here, close to me instead of CYT. I'll never know and a part of me doesn't want to know.

Yesterday when I got to callbacks,Michael was there to help out now that he is graduated from CYT. He asked how my day was and when all I said was,"Rough." He gave me a hug and told me everything would be okay.Other examples,I was not feeling good and very tired. I had several people make sure I was okay. People at CYT truly care about you.

My life has been enriched because of them.I am a better person and closer to God cause of what happened.God has a plan for taking me away from the home school scene.What,I am not sure.Maybe it was to get me to rely on Him, and make me a stronger person.Maybe just to help build my character before I face the world, and wants me to use my theatre experiance for Him, in my life besides CYT.Maybe cause of the people there, and in the end I need to be around them more than the people here in Saint Joe.Maybe there is someone truly special who I would not of met other wise. When my sister left to PA,I had a huge family called CYTers as a support system.They kept me sane.

So I guess,even though I am sorry I lost friendships, as I sit here thinking about waht my life has been like these past 2 years and looking at the photos above,I have no regrets. I wish some things would of turned out different,but I guess no regrets. :-) I don't know what I would do with out these wonderful people in my life.

"A piece of the puzzle,one stepping stone, can only show you a one small part off life's journey."

Always,
Meg Renee

A short update.

This will be my first short post in a long time. :) haha. Well anywho I am finishing up my senior year of school,my piano recital,I'm in charge of the homeschool formal,planing gradution,HYPE,CYT,and a few other projects on the side.Such as a few leather projects I am working on.A guitar strap,a wallet,a holder for my dad's GPS he has to have for work,a mini saddle for my sister's birthday and a cell phone holder. Whew. Soon I will also be taking up tooling classes on how to do the techniques better, and create beautiful patterns on my projects. I just finished a cell phone holder for my friend Sydney. I would love to custom design a belt for myself. That's my next thing for my "me list." Right now it's the guitar strap for my bass. It's gonna be tan,blue, and white.I've already started on it. I stamped BASS CHICK on it.hehe.I'll post pictures when I got it done. Well I'm off to CYT classes. I've never done the singing class before. This one is "WICKED." I am seeing WICKED LIVE when it coems to KC! WOOHOO

Tomorrow is auditions for Mulan. I'll let you know how it goes. :) Cast list gets posted on Sunday. Well I'm off to sing about the Wicked! :)ha! Later!

"You know everything will be okay when you can see the rainbow in the storm."

Always,
Megan Renee

Suesssical Show Week.VERY EXTREAMLY LONG!

Ok....Where to begin. How about the beginning.lol!I'll start with HYPE since it was a big part of the week.HYPE is the "leadership program" of CYT.It stand for High school Youth Pursuing Excellence. Every CYT has one but KC North has not had a HYPE for about a year or so.KC South has a really good HYPE and KC East had one but I know they are having problems.So we decided to start it back up and see what happens.One of the first things we wanted to do was set up a prayer box to have for people to put prayer request in and have HYPE members pray for them.We talked about who would be in charge of that and how we would keep them confidential and make sure everyone knew that they would not have to worry about their request being known unless they wanted it to be.We were getting ready to move into the theatre so we decided on Sunday we would put it out there and the HYPE members would rotate days, and we needed someone in charge of the prayer list.They asked who would volunteer for that and I found myself raising my hand. I e-mailed the HYPE President,Mariah, back and forth discussing ideas for show week. I pulled the list up and told Mariah on the final show,Sunday,we should have all the HYPE members pray together and if we had time we could share testimonials about God and what we learned during show week.She liked the idea and sent out the word on the mail chain.Also we do devotions before each show and every devotion came from a line or theme in the show.( Mine was "A Persons A Person No Matter How Small". I used Psalms 139 where David talks about being fearfully and wonderfully made.I talked about how no matter what we look like God cares for us cause of who we are to him.We are His creation.)I was the very first one on the list to go.I had Thursday morning. For example Reid's came for the song,"How Lucky You Are" and Mariah just used the the theme acceptance,etc. All the devotions this week were so good! I have more HYPE stories here in a second. ANYWHO!

Sunday afternoon we had move in and we had rehearsal from 1-4 pm. It was pretty intense,but needed.I barely talked to Michael when we had down time.At first I said whatever,I don't care.But when we both had down time and I would try to talk to him, he was often busy hanging out with some other people.I wanted to spend time with him cause this was his last play. So eventually when the next break came I just sat down right where I was and didn't move.Enters Luke."Why are you down there?" I look up at him."Cause I'm too tired to move." He tells me,"But it's better up here." I laugh.He sits down next to me and we sit and talk about why I'm tired and it's due to the how long I spent working on my mom's car the day before.But I drive it so much it's kinda mine,but not really.;) lol! He also told me how much he loved my "A Girl needs to be so wrapped up in God,a guy has to seek Him to find her." shirt.Mom came over to talk to me for a few minuets and Luke went off to the corner and started doing his gymnastics routine.(What he had space for.) Mom whispered,"You know he's showing off for you." So yeah.Forewarn you.The rest of the week went that way.Not the car,but spending time with Luke instead of Michael.haha.

Monday was the leads only,so I was not needed.
Tuesday we tried to,but was not able to run through the whole show for rehearsal.Which was scary because it was a 4 hour rehearsal and the show is a 2 hour show.We even stayed a good 30 minuets late too.By the end of the night everyone was exhausted.
Wednesday rehearsal came and gone and thankfully we finished what we did not get done the night before and ran through the entire show.

Bright and early Thursday morning @ 9 am we were back at the theatre for the 10 am show. Our opening show went well and was fairly packed.Our theatre holds about 900 and all but some balcony seats were sold.It was a good crowd and we were proud of our first show. My friend Jen,my mom, and I all had plans to go out to eat when she got done with classes around 1and meet us @ 1:30.That was fine with us because we had our photo shoot after the Thursday morning show,which would take some time,give me time to change, and take a few mins to rest. There isn't too many places to eat close to the theatre so we choose Applebee's.We had just been seated when Jen showed up.We were sitting there having a nice conversation when all of the sudden I see a big flock of CYTers come bounding through the parking lot. I tell mom and Jen "I should of figured this is where they'd pick to eat.They usually go here after Thursday morning.They are probably just getting here cause of the ones that did individuals shots." I just got a group photo this time,so I was done pretty fast. Jen asked if Michael was there.I said not yet but it wouldn't be too long until he popped up.Just then as if on cue Michael and Luke came bouncing past the window and into the restaurant.When I say bounce I mean it literally.lol! It was quite a sight to see. She asked who was who. I tell her Michael is the one with the green hair(he was the Grinch and before every show they spray dyed it green.) and Luke was the one with the green hat."Alright.Now I know what Michael looks like.Wait.Are those two friends?"I tell her yeah.She hides her smile with her hand,"That's funny.They're friends.I find that so funny." We finish our lunch and head back to the hotel room to relax.Jen,mom and I all took a nap.I woke up a lil early and didn't want to disturb them so I head out into the hall way to call Annette and she what's been up since I was not able to check Internet. After chatting for a bit it was time to head back to the theatre for Round 2 of Seussical.Thursday night show went really well.Right at the end of mom and feel back stage and her arm really hard on the stage.She was going to go to the ER but it was late and it was going to be 5 hour wait.Mom said"Forget it."Her arm is still sore.I'm still not sure if didn't crack it at least.

Friday was another interesting and busy day.The morning show had topped the previous day's shows.But things in my head were starting to get jumbled up.*I've left alot out for reading sake* Michael had been really good about giving me a hug when I got there and saying hi to me inbetween scenes but he has still yet to truly sit and talk to me.I mean he wasn't like he was totally ignoring but he wasn't hanging out with me at all.I just simply got lost in the mix and pushed to the end of his list of people who wanted to hang out with him for his last show. I admit. That hurt a lil bit. I didn't expect him to spend all his time on me.I didn't want him to.It just would of been nice to have a chance to actually talk with him. Not every but alot of time when I went off by myself to clear my head for a few moments Luke would come over and plop down next to me.He always got a smile out of me in the end.

Friday night Sara and Logan came to see the show.So that was nice.After the Friday night show we always go to Cici's to eat cause the Saturday show call isn't until 1 pm.At Cic's I sat with a big group of my gal pals. Andy,Beth,Sarah C.,Hannah,Maddy, Madeline,McKenzie, and Angela.Needless to say laughs at our table, were constant. Luke didn't stay long but he did come over for a little bit to bug us girls.lol. Friday night both my parents were cranky,worn out, stressed, and tired.Not good. None of us slept well that night.

Saturday morning Sara came back to the show and this time she brought my bible study teacher Sherri,and Sherri brought her grandson.Things were still kinda tense.When I talked to Sara after show she could sense it to. We went to get something to eat and things continued to escalate.All of the family stuff going on really got to me before the night show.I called Sara,crying my eyes out.Not sure what to do.I just couldn't take it anymore. I was losing it,and I knew it. I came in from talking on the phone out in teh parking lot and a few of my friends saw my eyes were red. They asked what was wrong and I told them.They prayed with me and told me God has everything in control and everything will be alright.Well I got my face streaked free and went to go put on my make up.While I was in the make-up room I started praying,"God I need a reason to smile.I know You love me and and are there for me.But I this show is going to be hard to get through.Please I need an extra boost.Amen." A few mins later dad got my attention and told me to come here. As I walked out of the make-up room my cousin Sarah and her son Jayce were standing there.I thought none of my family was going to come to Seussical.It instantly put a smile on my face.Also,Sarah's parents,my Aunt Sandy and Uncle Steve were up there in the audience as well. Out of my dad's family(except my grandparents) they are the ones I am closest to.I said,"Thank You God!" So for every public show so far I've had some body in the audience. Thursday night,Friday night, and Saturday afternoon I've had friends come, and Saturday night I had family. Then it came time for devotions. Well that night's came from the song "Alone In the Universe." Stephanie talked about how we are are actually never alone in the universe cause we have a God who is always with us. Talk about God's perfect timing.

Well while warming up before the show Luke was standing right infront of me.I was curious who is better at back massages.(cause earliar that week he made a comment that Michael was the best when I was giving one to my friend Kelsey.)So I started rubbing Luke's back. I asked him it felt good and he says,"Yes!" After I was done he goes,"Thank you!" and give me a big hug. Well while we had some down time inbetween scenes Luke sits right next to me and I ask him "Sup?" He says not much.Then gives me a bit of the puppy pout,"You know you could rub my back again." I laugh and say alright. I end up doing it for about 10 mins. Well after a few mins Michael comes down from his scene. I am watching him at out of the corner of my eye and when he sees I'm not just standing behind Luke I am rubbing his shoulders Michael gets this look of,"She's doing that again??" So then Michael decides to be a jerk and startd flirting with one of the girls and make sures I am watching. The thing that makes me mad...The girl he's flirting horribly with....Is only 14 and he's 19. Rocking the craddle much? I am sure as you all know this but when I was 10 I had a guy who was 5 years older than me try to take advantage of me.I know Michaels not him but that age difference and knowing that Shannon (the girl) is devolping a small crush on him bugs me. She says they are just friends and he's just fun to be around but Saturday she was following him every where.He didn't care at all but I can tell that she likes him.She spends more time around him than any of the other guys that are her age. And frankly it bugs the crap outta me.Espeically since she is....How to put this delicately.....Well figured and her shirts tend to flaunt it more than they should.So I just told myself,"He wants to be that way let him." After steaming for a bit I talked to God about it.All of the sudden that crush on Michael that was coming back disapeared with out a trace. God showed me Michael was not the one for me.A friend,yes.But him and I would never be "Him and I." I know I talked and gabbed so much about him but that last post that God really laid on my heart now makes sense.He was trying rein my heart,(and my mouth) in. I'm stepping abck and throwing it all up in the air and letting God catch it.


Sunday morning brought a new day,with warm weather and a better look at things.I walked in and instantly got a hug from Luke.After getting mostly ready the HYPE teens met for Sunday morning prayer time as planed.It was incredibly awesome.It was a true God moment.All of us could feel God's presence in that prayer circle. It was a encouragement to all of us to hear a group of "Average" teens praising God for His miracles and blessing and asking for comfort for the ones with tears.Due to the play alot of us didn't make it to church that morning but I learned something that day all the same.The devotion for the very last show was Mariah's on acceptance."Something we always think about is are we accepted. But do we ever think about our lives being acceptable to God." It was a wonderful devo. The show ended with a bang. We had the strike dinner and then the strike party where they hand out the awards and the directors get to spoof the show.I didn't get any awards this show but it's ok.

ALOT MORE happened but I'm afraid the post is already reaching record length.Lets just say the weekend ended with me texting Luke my phone number and he replied,"Hey!Now I have your number!Woot!"

"When I'm in over my head I let it all go and fall.But I make sure I fall to my knees."

Always,
Megan Renee

A Ruby Heart...This is going to be a long post!

Once I had a teacher who taught a lesson about obeying God and this part has always stuck with me."God says it once, listen.He says twice, ya better take note.He says it three times,ya need to just plan take a hint!Four...Well He shouldn't even have to say it that many.But God repeats Himself numerous times in the Bible.Why do you think that is? Cause God wants us to obey Him, & He calls us His sheep for a reason.Its cause sheep are dumb we can pretty dumb at times." I never forgot her saying that. Not cause she called us dumbs but cause the point she made is so true. Well I found my repetitive message.

WAIT. Just wait. Take my foot off Life's accelerator & let God put it at His speed."Let Jesus take the wheel."When I was 14 I went to a "True-Love-Waits" program and I read this story about a girl watching an author write out a love story and she got so frustrated with the waiting for the main character taking so long to meet the right guy, she took the pen from the author & re-wrote it to speed it up. She wrote the wrong guy into the story instead of the prince & spilled ink & tears all over the beautiful pages & hand writing the author had spent so much time on.She starts crying and the author hugs her & says,"I can fix this if you'll let me take over." She hands the pen & book back over & later in the story you find out the author was God & He was writing that girls story. I read this long ago but lately I can't get it out of my head. How we mess everything up when we try to take our life in our own hands.

See my parents bought me a ruby-heart "purity" ring about a year ago(it similar to the one in the pic)to wear on my left hand and the day I get marry my dad will take the ring and give it to my future husband and then the man I am marrying will put the gold band on.For while I got out of the habit of putting it on everyday,cause I take it off in the morning when I'm washing my face etc cause soap gets the cracks and then it looks nasty.Well for awhile it didn't phase me I didn't wear it.Well all of sudden I felt so guilty for not wearing it,because of what it stands for. Also my Sunday school teacher bought me a key and heart necklace to wear.Plus my dad bought me a t-shirt that says,"A girl needs to be so lost in God that a guy must seek HIM to find her." Plus for Bible Study & Sunday School we are going through the women of the Bible and covering how they were a positive or negative influence on their family,and about even though some messed up they were still considered Godly wives. My teacher wanted to make a point so they have been having the women of our church coming in and giving their testimonies on how they met their husbands and what God has brought them to where they are today. See a pattern?

Today I wore my new "Lost in God" shirt to Seussical rehearsal & I had several girls come up & tell me they loved it & a couple had the same shirt. It was really neat when I had guys tell me they liked it. So my head has been swirling lately with all this stuff. This weekend I spent a lot of my time with my dad and it was wonderful. We had a nice talk about boys,life,vacations,everything.

So far for the testimonies we've only had 2. But they were both,"Awww!A true fairy tale story." One was Ellen.Her family and mine are very close.She was a lot like me. "The goody-2-shoes who was the church sweetheart and got teased for being lil miss perfect." Well she took her studies very serious and didn't look around for a guy till she was a sophomore in college.She didn't meet any one and said,"Alright.When you're ready I am." That summer she went to Texas to visit a friend and her friend tried to set her up with this boy named Jeremy who was the same age as her. They spent some time hanging out and talking.They exchanged e-mail addresses and phone numbers. Ellen was so excited.She thought she had found the one.Jeremy seemed so perfect. A whole school year went by and she never heard from him.She was heart broken.Well she went back to visit that friend and guess who was there waiting for her.Jeremy.She wanted nothing to do with him at first but he found his way in her heart.What had happened was Jeremy was feeling pressured into dating Ellen and he wanted God to bring her along and not date a girl just cause a mutual friend thought they should. They spent a year e-mailing and spending time on the phone,even though he was in southern Texas and she was in Pennsylvania. The next year Jeremy asked her father permission to date Ellen and for him to be able to move to Pa. Her dad said,"You're an adult.I can't tell you what to do." Jeremy's response was,"All due respect sir.Yes you can.She's your daughter.You don't like me and want me to scram,I will.But I want a relationship with Ellen.But if you are not comfortable with it and do not believe God wants us together I will not disrespect yours' and your wife's wishes." Well Jeremy went back to Texas,packed up his stuff and was back in PA a few days later. :-) Think he was in love? HA! They were engaged a few weeks later. Now they have 3 absolutely gorgeous girls who I love to spoil and babysit for.Hallie-5,Heidi-3, & Hope-1. :-)

Patty.She was raised in church but her father was into all kinds of evil and dirty dealings.Her parents got divorced when she was 11.Her grandparents were Godly people and always watched out for them.When she was 16 she met a guy who was very wealthy and very charming.She got swept up in it all and decided to date him. Well he become very controlling and was a very short tempered guy.She decided he was too much like her father and wanted nothing to do with those kinds of men.He didn't like the fact they broke up and did not want no for an answer.He was drafted into the army,but after 9 months he was kicked out and was hanging back around.Patty still wanted nothing to do with him and he became stalker-ish.Breaking into her house and following her around. He called her grandparents one night with out her knowledge and told them,he and Patty had plans to take them out for their anniversary. He then called Patty and told her what was going on.She was not comfortable with it but since he had already told her grandparents to be expecting them she went along with it.On the way home he stopped for a coke and was insistent he go in to get them.She thought was strange but finally said,"Ok.Whatever." Next thing she remembered she was waking up in a hotel room. The drink had been drugged and the guy was laughing about it thinking it to be a joke.She got out of there and got herself out to visit a aunt in another part of the states,so she could hide out a while.She was clueless on what she should do.She was scared. Well a few months later,right after her 18th birthday she found out she was pregnant.Abortion was now legal and a tempting option.She had a friend who was persistent she went to church with him and she finally surrendered her life to Christ.She kept her daughter.2 years later she made a list of what kind of man she wanted.A month following that she met her husband.They had worked in the same building all this time but never crossed paths.Her future husband,Tim had gotten out of church just from being so busy with college and work and was just getting back in church the time this happened. He asked her out and a year or two later they were married.

See,I've been surrounded by this lately.Proverbs31:10 "Who can find a virtuous woman for her price is far beyond rubies."Get why its a ruby heart? :-)

I hope you all enjoyed this post.
God Bless and Always,
Megan Renee

Salsa,Swing,Showcase,& Seuss!

Alrighty!This past week was great! On Friday I had Seussical rehearsal and the turn right back around had it again broght and early Saturday morning.I had rehearsal from 9-noon then from 1-3:30 we had an extra practice for Salsa for showcase and then from 7-11 we had a fund raiser for our inprov team to go to nationals in July.It was a swing dance.lol! So needless to say I was exhausted come Saturday night. But I will back up and give you details! :)

I rode down with Sara to rehearsal casue I did not feel like driving alone.Of course Michael was at reharsal and talked to me quite a bit.One time I walked by him in the green room and he had laid down on the floor and 2 girls he was talking to ended up using him as pillow. I stopped and gave him a look of,"Uh-huh.Nice." and he got all embarrassed,"It's not my fault I sware!I laid down and they decided I'd make a good pillow.Their idea.Not mine!" I had to laugh and sat down to chat.
Saturday rehearsal, Michael was workoking so I didn't get to talk to him.My friend Miriah was going to the salsa rehearsal and the dance so I got it worked out where I spend the day with her.So after stopping for some lunch at Wendys' we headed over to the church where we were holding practice. We originally had 4 dances but Toy finally said"Alright.We'll cut it down to 3." So we had a lot of re-choregraphing to do to re-work new poeple into the dances. After we were finished my feet hurt so bad.My whole body was sore. We went to Miriah's house to relax before getting all dolled up for the dance.
We got there shortly after 7.As soon as I sat my stuff down there Michael was telling me he was glad I made it and that he wasn't sure if I would casue of the drive from my house in St.Jo to the studio in Gladstone. I told him how I spent all day with Miriah and he laughed."Nice!Atleast it worked out for ya." The dance was so much fun.We had a 30 min lesson or so on how to do the Charleston.A type of swing dancing you can do on your own,with a partner or as a group. If you can get a large group of people who are really good it looks so cool! So after doing that I thought I was done dancing for the night.Haha. Not so. I ended up getting up there doing the charleston with friends for several more dances.Towards the end of the night I was sittign at a table with Dani and Rachel.(Rachel is a former CYTer was was visiting for the night.) Michael walked by me twice and gave me this look of he really wanted to talked to me but didn't want to do it infront of Dani cause well..She's his ex. I got the feeling Danielle saw the look too.It got that awkward silence for a few moments I made my exit stage right to go check my phone to see if my sister had called.As soon as I sat down at the table where my purse was and checked my phone Michael came over and held out his hand,"Care to dance?" I gladly accepted. We danced for 2 songs. I know how to swing dance but not that well.Michael taught me some new things I didn't know. My smile was probably a mile wide.:D lol!The rest of the night quickly pasted.Fuul of dancing,talking to friends,teh swing dance competition etc. I didn't enter the competition. I went over for some punch and one of the moms asked me how come I wasn't out there practicing before the dancing started. I told her I didn't have a partner.She said,"I don't know why.You and Michael looked good out there.You two were really tearing it up." The comment was very akward.For one reason.She was Dani's mom. Like I said.Akward. At the end of the night I went up to Michael and told him my dad would be there shortly to pick me up and I was wondering if I could dance with him one more time before I had to leave. He smiled and and took my hand to exscort me to the floor. It was such a wonderful night.

Monday was showcase for CYT classes.

Here are videos from it!
http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=doTSOeVdIVU Our first dance. Towards the end I started to get lost*face turns red* and the floor was slick.Heh heh.As you'll see at the end I hit the ground.oops. But was un harmed exceppt my knee and elbow which slammed into the ground.That hurt. Featuring Reid and Bekka.

http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=6fyuSiTM5OQ Our Second dance featuring Sam and Brooke.This was a fun one.Just watch and you'll see! :)

http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=IYq06PZGAR4 Our third dance & final salsa dance.We free styled it.This dance was just for fun and we had fun doing it.Featuring our teacher Toy and Rebecca.

LOVE YOU ALL!
Always.
Meg Renee

I just wanna say thanks!

To everyone for listening to my rantings lately and and my "weird funk". I've been feeling so over whelemed and just really down.This week was hard as well but God used it in so many ways.It was like I was running on "empty" physically,emtionally,etc. I let my bad attitude get the best of me. I was talking to Jason this week and something he said got me thinking.About enjoying my life where-ever I am. I try to go with the flow and be happy where ever I am,but again..I seem to have forgotten that some where in the past week.

God gave me a hug from heaven this week.I wasn't able to go to CYT on Monday or Tuesday and the weather was too nasty to go to church on Wednesday. I felt even more lonely and sad.Thursday I took some time to really reflect on what is important in my life and to refocus what I am doing. God and I are at Peace again. I had become so wrapped up in stumbling over myself on what "I" want to do I forgot to stop and say "God make it obvious..Keep it simple I'm stupid..You know what is best..." I prayed about it but I was still trying to figutre it on my own. That was wrong and stupid.I accomplised nothing,exceppt wasting my time,energy, and sleep. I talked with my sister and that always helps.She had some great advice. She's so smart.

Friday night rolled around and I was hanging with Karis,Hannah,and Sydney before rehearsal,catching up on the week. He came over and gave me a hug with out me having to say a word. "Hey Megan." "Hey how are you?" "Doing good.You?" "Doing alright.Hey...Michael..I have a question for you." "Sure.What is it?" I then told him about the up coming formal and how I was wanting to bring a friend to it. I asked him if he would like to go. He said,"Yeah,sure I would like to go with you!Just let me know as soon as you know the date for sure.There shouldn't be a reason why I can't go." The rest of the night him and I were able to stand next to each other for most of rehearsal. He and I were constantly flirting with each other.I admit it, I enjoyed fliriting back. :-) Heh heh.One time that night we were even holding hands. 0:-) See...We were in singing room and he was standing behind where I was sitting. I leaned my head back and looked up at him. He said,"How ya doin?" I told him good but kinda depressed. He asked why and I told him about my brother not coming from on ship till after my graduation.He said,"Man,that sucks! I am so sorry!" He put his hands on my shoulder and I placed my hands over his.He then turned his hands to where he was holding mine, and said."I hope he get home safe...Hey! When is your graduation?" I told him June 1st and he repeated the date to himself a few times than the music director called for everyone to settle down and get to work on "Horton VS. The People." the final song. Michael stepped back and let go.I had to sigh.LOL! The rest of the night was like that.

On the way home I told dad,"Hey Daaaaaddd...." "Hey what?" "I have my first date." *stops chewing and swallows his egg roll whole.*Cough*Uhummmmm....Excuse me!?!?!?!" "Yeah..I told you about asking Michael." "I heard you and your mom talking about it,but NOONE cleared it with ME!" "Heh heh.Oops.." "What did he say." I then told dad about my conversation with him and that he should be able to go.*exceppt I left out about the hug,holding hands, and flirting.0:-)* Dad then changed it to,"Man these things are spicy..Should of got the chicken."

I also had a 5 hour salsa class today casue showcase is in 2 weeks and we still have so much to learn.Showcase is just that.The various dance,acting and singing classes showcase what they learned in that semister for CYT. I got to dance till I couldn't any more. It felt great! Dancing is one way I let stress out.Popping in a dance CD and rocking out till I collaspe on my bed and am ready to let all the feelings out by writing,crying or whatever. Michael was there today but he was in the hip-hop class so we barely got to talk.However, there was one time he came over to see how I was doing and just held me,letting me use him as something to rest against while I caught my breath. He's a sweetie like that. I know he tends to flirt with other girls,but in a way it doesn't bug me. Like I said..I'm at peace about everything. Thanks again! I love you all!!

Ecclesiastes 3:4 "A time to weep,a time to laugh, a time to mourn, a time to dance..."

Always,
Meg Renee

A memory..Who I Am Today...

* a picture of grandma and grandpa and all the grand and great-grand children with the excepption of Jason,Jeremy and my brother Chris who are all absent.*



Back row~~Michael,Joseph,David,me, Grandpa
Middle row~~ Jonathan,Sara *holding her son Jayce but you can't see him*Grandma, Julie (David's wife) Rachel, Steven
Front row~~ Ashlyn,Caleb,Hannah*Micheal's kids* Nichole, and Austin.



Here in a couple months I will be graduating from high school. I can't believe it. Last night I was going through pictures looking for pix for my friend Logan. He is turning 21 and wanted to know how many I have of him, because he is making a slide show for his birthday.He was over here constantly through out all of school and knew I had tons of pictures of him here for Rae's birthday parties, and just general shots of him hanging out with us. While looking through the many pictures we have in drawers,albulms, and every where else, I found quite a few of myself. I couldn't believe how many photos my parents had of me growing up. They had everything from when I was first born,to the embarrassing baby pix,school years,every vacation we went on, birthday parties,holidays,etc. I realized how bless I have been growing up. Our family has had their rough times like any body but I was always well loved. I wish I had a scanner to put some of them up. I found pictures of my sister trying to feed me pudding, me in one of my mom's formal dresses when I was about 9, me on a swing and hanging up side down, me and my crazy hair I always had on Chrismtas morning and so on. I sat and talked to Sara on the phone telling her about the Logan pictues I found and for awhile I would sit there saying,"Me and Rachel when we were little....Branson picture...picture of me,Rach, and Chris.... A picture of Jim Stafford..... a school picture.... a Silver Dollar City picture... us with our grandparents,...Ohh look!A pictured from Legeneds...Wait..How come it seemes like I'm finding almost nothing but Branson pictures?" I started laughing and said,"Dang! I've got alot!" Mom and dad asked "alot of what?" and I told them and they just looked at me and said, "Yeah..And?" It was pretty funny.

For the longest time I was the youngest out of dad's whole family.Alright...I admitt it. As the youngest I got spoiled.lol. Everyone looked out for Megan. I was the cutest and I knew it. haha! When my cousins Michael had kids I was about 9 or so. I made sure everyone knew I was still the youngest grandchild.Now there was just great-grand children.Then my Aunt Linda had a boy..Still the youngest girl.Then she had a girl.My reign was over.Oh well.haha. I was looking at pictures of my and my cousins. Those were the days.When we found the funnest places to hide eggs. In the mailbox, in a tree,burried in grandma's garden, in a car tail pipe....It got fun. It was always boys against girls and the boys would stuff the mailbox so full that all teh eggs came crashing on top of us when we opened up the lid.(My grandparents mailbox is mounted up high on the side of the house.) When we would play uno and decide who gets all the draw 4 cards.One time we got Joseph so bad! He had to draw about 30 some cards....At once! Gotta love house rules... :-) Ha!

Looking back my family truly did make me who I am today.Now I have my cousin David in Chicago, Joseph in Michagin, etc. Thanksgiving was not the same missing so many people and my grandparents. When we found out Grandma had cancer it hit the family so hard. When I found out I just wanted to curl up and sleep till it was over.Been over a year now.*sigh*

Growing up I was very blessed...Well I need to skedattle...Later!
Always,
Meg Renee