I'm learning to trust God..I seem to have to learn that lesson over and over again.:-) But every time He is there waiting with His arms open wide wanting me to seek shelter in His love and care. I have been feeling lonely...During Snow White I was able to talk about God and life with Adrienne whenever I needed to.Adrienne and I watched out for each other.Thats just what we did. Adrienne isn't doing this play. I know I could probably do that with any-one in CYT (after all it is Christian Youth Theatre) but I just felt the most comfortable talking with Adrienne since I've known her the longest from Homeschool Volleyball team. I guess for this show I am just going to have to find someone else I can talk to.
Rachel is back in PA and I miss her terribly. We had such a fun time in Branson..I look at pictures and smile. Last night I spent 40 minuets on the phone with her.Mom couldn't believe it but I don't find it hard to believe. We had alot to talk about such as guys,life,whats new,what we are dealing with on our opposite sides of the country,etc Also..Yesterday was Wednesday...Alright..I know just saying that no one will get that. See when Rae was home every Wednesday afternoon we watched Beauty & the Beast(the 1980's show with Linda Hamilton and Ron Pearlman) and Justice Leauge, and bought some ice/chocolate and curled up on the couch just spending time together. It was just what we did. So yesterday I found myself watching "Arabseque". One of my favorite Beauty and the Beast episodes.
In that episode a old childhood crush comes back after being gone for years and brings back painful memories for Vincent.(the beast) Cause right before she left he accidently hurt her with his beast like hands and never forgave himself. Well Catherine(the Beauty) does not get the story on what happens for the longest time and it hurts her that he withholds the truth from her. Finally at the end he tells her and after he explains everything he shamefully looks at the hands that hurt Lisa(his childhood friend) and says,"That's when I knew these hands were never meant to give love..." Catherine then takes his hands in hers and says, "These hands are beautiful...These hands are my hands." That got me thinking..We all have a flaw that we are ashamed about. A part of us that will always have a scar from a broken heart and painful memories... But when we find "the one" for us they will find even our ugliest points beautiful. For me it will be someone who won't mind I wear glasses and other things that I hate....ok...strike that..."Completely and totally don't like" about myself.
So that is my life lately. I am trying to surround myself with Christians and remember God has a plan in all this somewhere. We all go through trials and storms in our lives and this is just another one in mine. Thanks for reading! Later!
"I feel like I'm stummbling through life and its only when I look back that I can see the bigger picture."
Always,
Megan Renee
Thursday, January 17, 2008
Monday, January 7, 2008
2007 wasn't that bad after all....
I've been doing alot of thinking lately..2007 wasn't that bad of a year after all but it did have it's down points....
EX: My sis moving and my brother moving away leaving me the last kid at home...In the state for that matter.....Chris is in North Carolina when not on ship and Rae in Pennsylvania....Doing my first lead and neither one of my siblings seeing it....Finding out my grandmother had a sever type of cancer...Not having a traditional thanksgiving or having the first Christmas ever with my grandparents and family....
But good side...I made lots of new friends in CYT....Haygoods came to Saint Joe and had a sold out show.(that was a blast..Came close to fan night.)...Got to go to Branson 4 times!....(Wow...Can't believe I got to go that many!)..Went to my first Haygoods Fan Night and met tons of cool people! ..Went to my first formal dance ever!...(I've been to formal dinners but never a dance.) Before the dance my sis and I went out to eat at one of the nicest resturants with a bunch of CYT friends and we rode to the resturant and then to the dance in a limo!It was a stretch Hummer limo! Can we say,"SWEET!!!!!"It wasa blast! 15(ish) CYT kids blaring musicals such as WICKED to and from the resturant singing away and having a great time enjoying being with friends. So when we showed up at the dance they had a red carpet out and we all felt like celeberties and there was 2 girls to every guy so the guys walked in with a girl on each arm....HA! Actors...What can you say? lol! I also went to my first CYT Camp which totally changed my life! Even though it's "acting camp" they always made time to praise and worship God and it was so beautiful...Nothing more powerful; then 70 some teens gathered together singing praise songs late at night,remembering what Christ did for us. It brought tears to my eyes...Rae cried..She said at the moment she was scared about leaving but had a total peace about it and knew everything was going to be ok when she left...I held her and hugged her letting her cry on my shoulder while we sang...Before too long,before I knew what had happened we were being surrounded by friends...All the close friends I had made the year before and the new ones I made at camp...They gathered around us praying.Just being there for us..Not knowing details and not caring what was wrong...
I was told numerous times during Snow White how much people admired my "cool,calm, and collected" attitude that I had about everything...That I was being so level headed about everything..Wanan know the truth...Inside I was shaking my lil pointy nose off....My first play without my sis and I cheering each other on...
So now when Suessical comes up I know I can make it through..I have my parents,the CYT adults who look out for me, my directors who are there for me, and my fellow cast members. It's my final year in Highschool and things are kinda wacky and stressful but I know I can make it through...I miss my siblings so much.I hate being an only child..My big brother who used to always be there for me and had way to much fun picking on me, and my best friend and sister who I would talk to anything about....
I know I have so much more to learn and God has so much more for me in 2008...I am going to welcome it with open arms and know every bit is a prepation for something else....
"Stress hasn't killed me yet...Neither has broken dreams, a broken heart, or smashed hopes....I'm still here..."
Always,
~Megan Renee'
EX: My sis moving and my brother moving away leaving me the last kid at home...In the state for that matter.....Chris is in North Carolina when not on ship and Rae in Pennsylvania....Doing my first lead and neither one of my siblings seeing it....Finding out my grandmother had a sever type of cancer...Not having a traditional thanksgiving or having the first Christmas ever with my grandparents and family....
But good side...I made lots of new friends in CYT....Haygoods came to Saint Joe and had a sold out show.(that was a blast..Came close to fan night.)...Got to go to Branson 4 times!....(Wow...Can't believe I got to go that many!)..Went to my first Haygoods Fan Night and met tons of cool people! ..Went to my first formal dance ever!...(I've been to formal dinners but never a dance.) Before the dance my sis and I went out to eat at one of the nicest resturants with a bunch of CYT friends and we rode to the resturant and then to the dance in a limo!It was a stretch Hummer limo! Can we say,"SWEET!!!!!"It wasa blast! 15(ish) CYT kids blaring musicals such as WICKED to and from the resturant singing away and having a great time enjoying being with friends. So when we showed up at the dance they had a red carpet out and we all felt like celeberties and there was 2 girls to every guy so the guys walked in with a girl on each arm....HA! Actors...What can you say? lol! I also went to my first CYT Camp which totally changed my life! Even though it's "acting camp" they always made time to praise and worship God and it was so beautiful...Nothing more powerful; then 70 some teens gathered together singing praise songs late at night,remembering what Christ did for us. It brought tears to my eyes...Rae cried..She said at the moment she was scared about leaving but had a total peace about it and knew everything was going to be ok when she left...I held her and hugged her letting her cry on my shoulder while we sang...Before too long,before I knew what had happened we were being surrounded by friends...All the close friends I had made the year before and the new ones I made at camp...They gathered around us praying.Just being there for us..Not knowing details and not caring what was wrong...
I was told numerous times during Snow White how much people admired my "cool,calm, and collected" attitude that I had about everything...That I was being so level headed about everything..Wanan know the truth...Inside I was shaking my lil pointy nose off....My first play without my sis and I cheering each other on...
So now when Suessical comes up I know I can make it through..I have my parents,the CYT adults who look out for me, my directors who are there for me, and my fellow cast members. It's my final year in Highschool and things are kinda wacky and stressful but I know I can make it through...I miss my siblings so much.I hate being an only child..My big brother who used to always be there for me and had way to much fun picking on me, and my best friend and sister who I would talk to anything about....
I know I have so much more to learn and God has so much more for me in 2008...I am going to welcome it with open arms and know every bit is a prepation for something else....
"Stress hasn't killed me yet...Neither has broken dreams, a broken heart, or smashed hopes....I'm still here..."
Always,
~Megan Renee'
Wednesday, January 2, 2008
a 2nd chance....
My first post of 2008....I have alot swirling around in my brain...I just had to write it all out...This might come out as more of a soap-box moment...Eventually I'll figure out how to turn it around to something spiritual...
Now that I am offcialy 18 I have this saying my Aunt Kay keeps telling me."Once your an adult you can't just say,"Oops..I didn't know"...Don't be in a hurry to grow up,Megan..."
It's a conversation I've had with her many times,along with other things.
Something I recommened to everyone is to have an older adult they trust to talk to. Me,I have my parents,people at church and relatives.I'm very blessed to have so many older people to share their wisdom with me.You can learn so much listening to others. It's something that seems to be lacking in people. I have so many friends who just don't want to listen to what people have to say and it's got them in trouble.I'm not trying to rag on my friends but it deeply upsets me.I L-O-V-E Aretha's Franklin's "R-E-S-P-E-C-T". When I was in creative & described writing class for homeschoolers, my teacher sang that song constantly in class and had it printed on the top of every page as a reminder for when you were proof-reading for other people. I learn more in that class about writing then ever....*sigh*..I miss that class.
Any who....Another thing that has been rolling around in my thoughts is respect for yourself.Another thing lacking in today's society.Only 18 and I feel like I've out lived my time...I know to many girls who have given themselves away at way too young of an age...I just found out a friend who is only 3 months older than me is pregnant...I love kids and baby-sit several times a week, for several different people,but I can't imagine being a mom and still in school...I have another friend in such a hurry to know she is worth something,she HAS to have a man 24/7 to be happy...She rushed into a marriage and after being married for only 6 months...is now gettin divorced....
God is a God of 2nd chances and if you have messed up He will forgive you and make you whole if you ask Him..It's never too late to be redeamed."He's redeamed time..." as one of my favorite skits says.
Everyday is a new day and a new beginning. That is why I love drawing and sketching sunrises.Some of my favorite songs deal with sunrises.That is probably why I am such a morning person.
One of my favorite memories from elementry days was during the summer,I would stay with my dad's parents,and every morning my grandpa would sit on the back patio with his cup of coffee watching the sunrise.I still think of that every time I smell coffee.Not cappicinno smell,but the strong brewed stuff.We would sit there talking and watch the town come to life as the day light grew.My grandma never came out untill later and my sister always slept in,so it was always just the 2 of us. :-) I miss those days.Now with my grandma having cancer I'm not able to be around as much...
From Disney's Newies....(I loved doing this play...)
Friends of the friendless, seize the day Raise up the torch and light the way Proud and defiant We'll slay the giant Let us seize the day Neighbor to neighbor Father to son One for all and all for one
Always,
~Megan Renee*
Wednesday, December 26, 2007
Highway!... Officialy 18...Armed and Dangerous...
Hey everyone..I decided for the remaining hoilday break it's just going to be what is going on in my life and the stories and poems are being put on hold for a bit. :) They will return with the new year. Promise! I keep my promises! hehe!
Right now Rae Jay has some work to do for school.Hard to believe how quickly the days are passing.
Christmas was very different for us.We made it through and still had a good Chritmas.
I had a bit of Christmas Miracle. My friend Cortney who moved to MS..I thought for sure I would not be able to see her for Christmas,and I have not seen her since July.
Also..I am going to Branson and my friend Jen is coming.We have been trying to get her to go with us since Dec 2005.She was able to see Haygood when they came to town in Jan,but still not the same as taking her to Branson.See she is from Chicago and is here for college and has always been too busy to go with us.She said she was bound and determined to go this time and she is! My family has adopted her as a 3rd daughter and it's so wonderful to have her along.She's as close to mym om and she is my sis and me. :)
Sara & Sydney are going with us as well...First-all of us were going..then Syd and I weren't going and Sara was...Then Sara wasn't going..then I was going, and they weren't....Now all of us are going... *sigh* *Whew!* Talk about confusing! It all worked out in the long run....
So we are going to fan night Saturday night and the closing show on the 30th.While my parents go to another show of their choice and get some time just them.They need it.
For my birthday I got a BLUE BASS GUITAR!!!!!! OH YEAH!!!!...I actually don't have it just yet..Gotta wait till next month to get it.Pix WILL BE POSTED. :-D
Last week I got my Snow White DVD and it wonderful to watch.I miss everyone so much.That play was so great.Not only cause of the performance but the people.Getting together to do theatre and worshiping God at the same time...:) Yeah.
Here are some ROCKIN vids you all need to check out!
http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=iCudTFgnzJQ Rockapella's "Where Would We Be"....Awesome Group!
http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=39kp5vDCRDo Christian Youth Theatre A capella class 2007... This video doesn't do it justice....1) It was much better live and 2)you can't see Michael on the far left rocking out on percussion..He was a riot to watch!:-) Anamaited much,Mr.Michael? lol!
http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=xwp-BqPK7ZE School House Rock Vid...My sister,Rae Jay was controling the Janet puppet. I miss this show
http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=XPw4yiieZtM Behind the scenes of CYT's Treasure Island!We are insane! hehehe!
More of these kind of vids on my site...www.youtube.com/setmefree1218
Later!
"Once in a while dreams come true...."
Always,
Megan Renee :-)
Right now Rae Jay has some work to do for school.Hard to believe how quickly the days are passing.
Christmas was very different for us.We made it through and still had a good Chritmas.
I had a bit of Christmas Miracle. My friend Cortney who moved to MS..I thought for sure I would not be able to see her for Christmas,and I have not seen her since July.
Also..I am going to Branson and my friend Jen is coming.We have been trying to get her to go with us since Dec 2005.She was able to see Haygood when they came to town in Jan,but still not the same as taking her to Branson.See she is from Chicago and is here for college and has always been too busy to go with us.She said she was bound and determined to go this time and she is! My family has adopted her as a 3rd daughter and it's so wonderful to have her along.She's as close to mym om and she is my sis and me. :)
Sara & Sydney are going with us as well...First-all of us were going..then Syd and I weren't going and Sara was...Then Sara wasn't going..then I was going, and they weren't....Now all of us are going... *sigh* *Whew!* Talk about confusing! It all worked out in the long run....
So we are going to fan night Saturday night and the closing show on the 30th.While my parents go to another show of their choice and get some time just them.They need it.
For my birthday I got a BLUE BASS GUITAR!!!!!! OH YEAH!!!!...I actually don't have it just yet..Gotta wait till next month to get it.Pix WILL BE POSTED. :-D
Last week I got my Snow White DVD and it wonderful to watch.I miss everyone so much.That play was so great.Not only cause of the performance but the people.Getting together to do theatre and worshiping God at the same time...:) Yeah.
Here are some ROCKIN vids you all need to check out!
http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=iCudTFgnzJQ Rockapella's "Where Would We Be"....Awesome Group!
http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=39kp5vDCRDo Christian Youth Theatre A capella class 2007... This video doesn't do it justice....1) It was much better live and 2)you can't see Michael on the far left rocking out on percussion..He was a riot to watch!:-) Anamaited much,Mr.Michael? lol!
http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=xwp-BqPK7ZE School House Rock Vid...My sister,Rae Jay was controling the Janet puppet. I miss this show
http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=XPw4yiieZtM Behind the scenes of CYT's Treasure Island!We are insane! hehehe!
More of these kind of vids on my site...www.youtube.com/setmefree1218
Later!
"Once in a while dreams come true...."
Always,
Megan Renee :-)
Wednesday, December 19, 2007
A Miracle..And a Poem....
Life is a Miracle....I have so much to write but I did promise poems....So here they are! :)
A Prayer
Lord,Here I am,
Here I stand.
This is me,oh God hear my plea.
I wanna know how much longer!
Lord,I feel as though I'll never get stronger.
I'm ready to leave it all behind.
Lord, I'm ready to say I'm through with this world.
I wanna hear that trumpet sound,
I'm so tired amd weary of livin' with sin and greed.
Lord,I'm ready for paradise with those streets of gold.
Lord, carry me home,
Carry me to your arms.
I wanna see your face and feel your amazing grace and love.
I wanna hear those angels sing "Hallejuiah praise our God."
Lord, I wanna go home.Take me away this I pray.
I fought my fight,
All I see around me is the darkness and fear.
Lord,I wanna see your hold light.
I wanna know I ran my race and I want to hear,
"Well done my child its time to come home."
I'm ready to give up,
I feel my soul slipping away.
Lord, I wanna go home!
I know you never change, but the world around me has.
I can barely make it through each day.
Lord...I'm ready to come home...
Lonely
It's a state of mind,
Not a state of being.
No one is truly ever alone.
God is there.The constant friend to the end.
Sweet Sixteen Blues
I'm in one of those thinking modes.
Trying to figure out life's secret code.
Trying to find the cure to a broken heart.
While crying, struggling, and falling apart.
Less Than Perfect
Lil' Miss Priss...
Goody-2-shoes...
Names I have heard far too often.
Can't they see past the glitz and the glam?
Can't they see the brown eyed dreamer,how I'm not so perfect?
I have a spirit,
I have a goal,
I have a wish,
I have a dream,
I have a name....
It's Less Than Perfect....
WHY?
6 am morning news.
Another crime, another case,
Another life taken away.
You said in the last days to watch the signs.
Well Lord now I'm ready to come home.
How much longer do I have to run the race?
Lord all I want is to feel your embrace.
I want a helping hand,I just can't undersatnd.
It breaks my heart to see this pain all around me.
Lord, You sent Your Son to take this away...
So for now..I'm going to trust in You.
~Untitled~Mustang
Black and white,day and light.
Like a storm ready to quit standing still,
Lighting staining the sky and the thunder rolling over the hills.
I will ride with you,two hearts beating....Raging over the land.
Roaming wild,running free.
With power and spirit unable to hold it back
like the tide that laps at the bay.
You are the horse of old...
You are the war horse,
The painted pony...
Mustang.
A Prayer
Lord,Here I am,
Here I stand.
This is me,oh God hear my plea.
I wanna know how much longer!
Lord,I feel as though I'll never get stronger.
I'm ready to leave it all behind.
Lord, I'm ready to say I'm through with this world.
I wanna hear that trumpet sound,
I'm so tired amd weary of livin' with sin and greed.
Lord,I'm ready for paradise with those streets of gold.
Lord, carry me home,
Carry me to your arms.
I wanna see your face and feel your amazing grace and love.
I wanna hear those angels sing "Hallejuiah praise our God."
Lord, I wanna go home.Take me away this I pray.
I fought my fight,
All I see around me is the darkness and fear.
Lord,I wanna see your hold light.
I wanna know I ran my race and I want to hear,
"Well done my child its time to come home."
I'm ready to give up,
I feel my soul slipping away.
Lord, I wanna go home!
I know you never change, but the world around me has.
I can barely make it through each day.
Lord...I'm ready to come home...
Lonely
It's a state of mind,
Not a state of being.
No one is truly ever alone.
God is there.The constant friend to the end.
Sweet Sixteen Blues
I'm in one of those thinking modes.
Trying to figure out life's secret code.
Trying to find the cure to a broken heart.
While crying, struggling, and falling apart.
Less Than Perfect
Lil' Miss Priss...
Goody-2-shoes...
Names I have heard far too often.
Can't they see past the glitz and the glam?
Can't they see the brown eyed dreamer,how I'm not so perfect?
I have a spirit,
I have a goal,
I have a wish,
I have a dream,
I have a name....
It's Less Than Perfect....
WHY?
6 am morning news.
Another crime, another case,
Another life taken away.
You said in the last days to watch the signs.
Well Lord now I'm ready to come home.
How much longer do I have to run the race?
Lord all I want is to feel your embrace.
I want a helping hand,I just can't undersatnd.
It breaks my heart to see this pain all around me.
Lord, You sent Your Son to take this away...
So for now..I'm going to trust in You.
~Untitled~Mustang
Black and white,day and light.
Like a storm ready to quit standing still,
Lighting staining the sky and the thunder rolling over the hills.
I will ride with you,two hearts beating....Raging over the land.
Roaming wild,running free.
With power and spirit unable to hold it back
like the tide that laps at the bay.
You are the horse of old...
You are the war horse,
The painted pony...
Mustang.
Someday My Prince Will Come
A hopeless romantic sits on her bed,
Dreaming of when the prince will come.
She's heard all the tales of happily ever after,
One thought after another dances in her head.
She wonders who her prince will be.
Will he be tall? Will he be handsome? Will he be strong?
The littlest thing although are not what matters!
She's heard her momma say, "Find someone with a heart of gold."
"He must treat my baby as though she were royalty!"
She's heard her loving father tell her,
"Not his strength, but his Christian spirit is what must be strong and bold!"
"Follow our rules and we will let you date…possibly…maybe."
She was a lady and had a free will of her own, but her parents' rules she will obey.
When she was a younger girl she made the mistake of not heeding her parents wise words.
She met someone who caught her eye; pleased she met a boy's fancy.
But love is not what she received; the feeling of guilt and loss is all he left behind.
She would lay at night wide-awake and dread the awful scorn.
How it all cut like a sharp two-edge sword.
She kept the secret about this awful deed, and wore a smile for her parents delight.
The terror and scars became so real once again as she dreamt and was taunted by them at night.
Once and for all she knew it was time to be whole again and come clean.
Harsh word to her great surprise was not what her parents told her.
They were words of love, forgiveness, and hope.
She never forgot that hard-way-learned lesson.
So for now she will trust her heart with her parents and Heavenly Father.
They know what is best, and when a new boy comes her way she will trust them.
Love is most cherished when you know it is worth the wait.
We Remember…
Proudly representing the red, white, and blue…
Risking their lives every day over seas for me and you!
On holidays we stop for a moment of prayer just to remember their name.
We should pray for them everyday just the same.
On Christmas we remember them when we pass by and see,
All the country's hope with our yellow ribbon Christmas tree!
So many have been wounded and died in the midst of the fight,
All the while keeping the flag, family, and freedom in sight.
They proudly would sacrifice for this country even laying down their own life!
When they take that pledge they knew this job would contain hurt and strife!
They get up and do the needed task of serving others every day.
Boldly protecting the president, and every citizen of the U. S. of A.
In a crisis they are the first to respond and the last to retreat.
They are the ones I salute and feel are the real heroes when we have a chance to meet.
They are the USA soldiers!
We remember 9/11/2001! Let freedom ring! ~September 11,2006
That's enough for now I think.:) Let me know what you think!Love you all!Thanks so much for reading my blog!God bless and Merry Christmas!
Dare to dream...Shoot for the moon and atleast you'll end up with the stars.*
Always,
Megan Renee <3
Monday, December 10, 2007
A Blessing.....
This post isn't anything in particular...Just observations from the past week.
Life is so short and so precious...
I had my friend Sara spend all weekend with me and it's been exactly one year since she first saw the Haygoods live. That got us talking about everything that has happened in a year. I then sit back and say,"Has it really already been a year?Wow...."
Also...In one week I am going to be 18....Yowzerz! 18 on the 18th......*Oh!Happy Ealry Birthday to Kim V. who shares her birthday with me! :)*
I sat down and flipped through year books remembering things that I have learned in my life. Today I am going to watch plays I was in for elemtentry before I was homeschooled or in Christian Youth Theatre and decided on stage was where I belong. My favorite play is "A Star Is Born." A Christmas tale about a director who wants to make a movie about the naivity and do it the way God wants him to but everything goes horribly wrong.From "Foolish Wise Man", to a self absorbed "Mary" ,etc. In that play I was a mouse in the stables...But I loved that part! During all the songs I got to get up and dance around.The 2nd act of the play is the story of Christ birth told through the animals eyes who were present in that stable. As I sit here thinking about it,I think about all my friends from school. I see how many of them have choosen paths that I know will lead to a tough life...It's sad....How can so many great kids turn up so bad...It breaks my heart knowing I have very few friends left from the younger years. 2 to be exact.....
When I was elementry we had this "gang"....Sydney,Cortney,Rebecca, Lauren, Hormony, Kelsie, Camarae, Hennrietta, and me. As the older ones moved up to middle school it dwindled down to Sydney,Cortney, Lauren,Rebecca, and me. I lost touch with them or they lost touch with me. Now it's down to Cortney,Sydney and me, and Cortney moved 14 hours away,but we stay in touch constantly.I still miss her tons.It's not like I can go to her house and pop in a movie every time I need to chill. Life is pretty cruel. You know what though? It makes me stop and thank God for my friends even more and makes me thank Him for the friends He has provided for me to fill that void.
Also this weekend I was cleaning my room and found a whole stack of poems I wrote for fun and never did anything with...Those poems represent different times in my life. For my next post I am going to display my different poems and let you guys read about life through my eyes and feelings.I have poems about everythng from my "angels" who have kept me safe,to sadness and disappointment, having fun on the beach, lyrics to songs I never wrote a melody for, and prayers to God to help me make it through life.
"There's always a light at the end of the tunnel.But you gotta go through the darkness first."
Always,
Megan Renee
Life is so short and so precious...
I had my friend Sara spend all weekend with me and it's been exactly one year since she first saw the Haygoods live. That got us talking about everything that has happened in a year. I then sit back and say,"Has it really already been a year?Wow...."
Also...In one week I am going to be 18....Yowzerz! 18 on the 18th......*Oh!Happy Ealry Birthday to Kim V. who shares her birthday with me! :)*
I sat down and flipped through year books remembering things that I have learned in my life. Today I am going to watch plays I was in for elemtentry before I was homeschooled or in Christian Youth Theatre and decided on stage was where I belong. My favorite play is "A Star Is Born." A Christmas tale about a director who wants to make a movie about the naivity and do it the way God wants him to but everything goes horribly wrong.From "Foolish Wise Man", to a self absorbed "Mary" ,etc. In that play I was a mouse in the stables...But I loved that part! During all the songs I got to get up and dance around.The 2nd act of the play is the story of Christ birth told through the animals eyes who were present in that stable. As I sit here thinking about it,I think about all my friends from school. I see how many of them have choosen paths that I know will lead to a tough life...It's sad....How can so many great kids turn up so bad...It breaks my heart knowing I have very few friends left from the younger years. 2 to be exact.....
When I was elementry we had this "gang"....Sydney,Cortney,Rebecca, Lauren, Hormony, Kelsie, Camarae, Hennrietta, and me. As the older ones moved up to middle school it dwindled down to Sydney,Cortney, Lauren,Rebecca, and me. I lost touch with them or they lost touch with me. Now it's down to Cortney,Sydney and me, and Cortney moved 14 hours away,but we stay in touch constantly.I still miss her tons.It's not like I can go to her house and pop in a movie every time I need to chill. Life is pretty cruel. You know what though? It makes me stop and thank God for my friends even more and makes me thank Him for the friends He has provided for me to fill that void.
Also this weekend I was cleaning my room and found a whole stack of poems I wrote for fun and never did anything with...Those poems represent different times in my life. For my next post I am going to display my different poems and let you guys read about life through my eyes and feelings.I have poems about everythng from my "angels" who have kept me safe,to sadness and disappointment, having fun on the beach, lyrics to songs I never wrote a melody for, and prayers to God to help me make it through life.
"There's always a light at the end of the tunnel.But you gotta go through the darkness first."
Always,
Megan Renee
Tuesday, December 4, 2007
A Journey
Hey Everyone.I thought it was time to write out more about what is going on with me.
This is all stuff that is going in the book....Welcome to 'The Journey~Walking Down Life's Road.'
Life goes on whether we want it to or not.Sadly,none of us can stop time and take our sweet time to heal,or go back and fix what we have botched up.I have my list of things I would like nothing better than to go back and redo it all over again.We all do.Probably one thing I would do all over again comes from 2 years ago....
Setting-freshamn in highschool and active in as much of the extra homeschool things as possible. Well noone wanted to coach the volleyball team that year so my mom took over it wanting the girls to have the chance to still play and be able to do games with smaller school like we do every year.However my mom has had no coaching experiance.We did alright our first year.Fastforward to the next year year.I'm a sophmore and my sister is a senior.My friend,"Alicia" and my sister started talking about how they were the only two seniors on the team that year so far so they were going to be captins together. However enters "Jamie" and mom saw her as being a better choice.Problem starts shortly after that.....
Well that year things fell apart horribly!Jamie had bounced back and forth between homeschool and private school and with my sister being coach's daughter and the other girl not being around recently, several people thought my mom's decision for that was totally unfair. My mom based it on who she honestly thought would be responsible. Well tension started building and some of the teammates hated how my sister was handling being captain. That year we did very poorly.JV won 3 games out of 10 or so and Varsity won 2 out 13.I know alot of people blamed my mom and when she tried to have others come in to help who were experianced players they griped about how hard they were working or didn't like the ladies helping mom.So that added to the growing pile of hurtful feelings. 2 weeks before the season was officaily over we went to a homeschool tournament in Springfield,MO. We did pretty well at first but as people tried to over do it and be center of attention, tension started once again....It ended badly.
On the tournament trip we had one other mom with us to help do the driving because not all the girls would fit into our van.(it happened to be "alicia's"....)
We were on the main street of Springfield(can't think of the name) and we were at a stoplight and the girls get out and did a chinese fire drill.Ok..Whatever. Well they did it again and my parents were scared one of the girls were going to get hit because of the street we were on.Dad yelled out his window for them not to do it again.Guess what...they did again.I don't remember how many times total they did it but I know it was several. My dad pulled off into a parking lot and got out of the van.At that moment my sister and I looked at each other and go,"Uh-oh..Oh no!" He had switched to milatary mode. Which was scary. The other van pulled in behind us and dad marched up to the window and started in right away asking the other woman what she was thinking to let the girls do that on such a busy street.Rae Jay and I sunk into our seats as we watched the conversation take place...Dad would never physically harm anyone out of anger but when he had that "Milatary Trained Face" it makes you sink in your seat. Point blank.
Also the fact they had left us out of it and not asked my parents (who technically held the permission slips that said a girl gets hurt its their responsibility to take care of it) that added to the fire.One of the girls who was in the van with us told my parents later they were told not to say a word to us,and two other girls confirmed that. After mom heard that she thought she seriously needed to deal with what was going on to teach the girls a lesson about acting responsible and acting like a team.
Some of the parents thought mom was doing cruel and unusal punishment for trying to take care of the problem.She was talking about benching some of the people for not listening to her."Playing is a privalge." Parents didn't like that....From that things got completely out of hand and blew up worse than any volcano in the world.The whole season and what was remaining was completely and thoroughly ruined.After that I dropped out of nearly every homeschool acivity exceppt a few classes I was too interested in to pass up.Such as writing and acting.But when I found out how many volleyball team mates were in those classes I nearly dropped them. Soon I was totally out of anything dealy with the Saint Joe homeschool co-op.
Well this Saturday oddly enough I hung out with Alicia.We went and had a great time at the local symphony and talked for 2 hours afterward.
What happened 2 years ago was brought up.God has done an amazing thing.As we talked I realized how much more had happened on the sides that I never even realized and probably never would of being the coaches daughter.I admitt...I did not want to listen to anyone else's side.My family was in the right they were in the wrong.End of story.Now I realize that there was mistakes made all around.Including on my part. That event forever changed my friendship with everyone on that varisity team.
It broke my heart that I lost so many friends in a blink of an eye.God showed me the power of forgiveness. Up untill recently I wouldn't go near anyone related to that painful time.
When we step back and say OK God.What do you want from me? How can I be used in this?Even with all the ugliness of everything God can use anything for good.The Bible says we are to be at peace with one another and it mentions many,many times about letting God be God.If God repeats himself it must be pretty important huh?When a teacher repeats themself you know you better take note.Same thing with God.He wants to teach us before we make the mistake and save us the heartache.Ephesians 4:3 clearly states this."Endeavoring to keep the unity of the Spirit in the bond of peace." In other words when we fight agasint what God wants for us we are fighting with the Holy Spirit. It's better to be at peace with God and let Him show you the way.I see now how God turned something bad into something wonderful.Cause of the homeschool fall out I looked into alternative acitivies.Enter CYT. God has worked with me so much through that program and I have met so many people who have deeply enriched my life.
Last night at Bible Study I gave the devotion and used this story.It was alot longer and alot more scriptures but for this post I shorten it.:) haha.
So this one part of my book.Read and enjoy! Feed back would be absolutely wonderful!
~Megan Renee
This is all stuff that is going in the book....Welcome to 'The Journey~Walking Down Life's Road.'
Life goes on whether we want it to or not.Sadly,none of us can stop time and take our sweet time to heal,or go back and fix what we have botched up.I have my list of things I would like nothing better than to go back and redo it all over again.We all do.Probably one thing I would do all over again comes from 2 years ago....
Setting-freshamn in highschool and active in as much of the extra homeschool things as possible. Well noone wanted to coach the volleyball team that year so my mom took over it wanting the girls to have the chance to still play and be able to do games with smaller school like we do every year.However my mom has had no coaching experiance.We did alright our first year.Fastforward to the next year year.I'm a sophmore and my sister is a senior.My friend,"Alicia" and my sister started talking about how they were the only two seniors on the team that year so far so they were going to be captins together. However enters "Jamie" and mom saw her as being a better choice.Problem starts shortly after that.....
Well that year things fell apart horribly!Jamie had bounced back and forth between homeschool and private school and with my sister being coach's daughter and the other girl not being around recently, several people thought my mom's decision for that was totally unfair. My mom based it on who she honestly thought would be responsible. Well tension started building and some of the teammates hated how my sister was handling being captain. That year we did very poorly.JV won 3 games out of 10 or so and Varsity won 2 out 13.I know alot of people blamed my mom and when she tried to have others come in to help who were experianced players they griped about how hard they were working or didn't like the ladies helping mom.So that added to the growing pile of hurtful feelings. 2 weeks before the season was officaily over we went to a homeschool tournament in Springfield,MO. We did pretty well at first but as people tried to over do it and be center of attention, tension started once again....It ended badly.
On the tournament trip we had one other mom with us to help do the driving because not all the girls would fit into our van.(it happened to be "alicia's"....)
We were on the main street of Springfield(can't think of the name) and we were at a stoplight and the girls get out and did a chinese fire drill.Ok..Whatever. Well they did it again and my parents were scared one of the girls were going to get hit because of the street we were on.Dad yelled out his window for them not to do it again.Guess what...they did again.I don't remember how many times total they did it but I know it was several. My dad pulled off into a parking lot and got out of the van.At that moment my sister and I looked at each other and go,"Uh-oh..Oh no!" He had switched to milatary mode. Which was scary. The other van pulled in behind us and dad marched up to the window and started in right away asking the other woman what she was thinking to let the girls do that on such a busy street.Rae Jay and I sunk into our seats as we watched the conversation take place...Dad would never physically harm anyone out of anger but when he had that "Milatary Trained Face" it makes you sink in your seat. Point blank.
Also the fact they had left us out of it and not asked my parents (who technically held the permission slips that said a girl gets hurt its their responsibility to take care of it) that added to the fire.One of the girls who was in the van with us told my parents later they were told not to say a word to us,and two other girls confirmed that. After mom heard that she thought she seriously needed to deal with what was going on to teach the girls a lesson about acting responsible and acting like a team.
Some of the parents thought mom was doing cruel and unusal punishment for trying to take care of the problem.She was talking about benching some of the people for not listening to her."Playing is a privalge." Parents didn't like that....From that things got completely out of hand and blew up worse than any volcano in the world.The whole season and what was remaining was completely and thoroughly ruined.After that I dropped out of nearly every homeschool acivity exceppt a few classes I was too interested in to pass up.Such as writing and acting.But when I found out how many volleyball team mates were in those classes I nearly dropped them. Soon I was totally out of anything dealy with the Saint Joe homeschool co-op.
Well this Saturday oddly enough I hung out with Alicia.We went and had a great time at the local symphony and talked for 2 hours afterward.
What happened 2 years ago was brought up.God has done an amazing thing.As we talked I realized how much more had happened on the sides that I never even realized and probably never would of being the coaches daughter.I admitt...I did not want to listen to anyone else's side.My family was in the right they were in the wrong.End of story.Now I realize that there was mistakes made all around.Including on my part. That event forever changed my friendship with everyone on that varisity team.
It broke my heart that I lost so many friends in a blink of an eye.God showed me the power of forgiveness. Up untill recently I wouldn't go near anyone related to that painful time.
When we step back and say OK God.What do you want from me? How can I be used in this?Even with all the ugliness of everything God can use anything for good.The Bible says we are to be at peace with one another and it mentions many,many times about letting God be God.If God repeats himself it must be pretty important huh?When a teacher repeats themself you know you better take note.Same thing with God.He wants to teach us before we make the mistake and save us the heartache.Ephesians 4:3 clearly states this."Endeavoring to keep the unity of the Spirit in the bond of peace." In other words when we fight agasint what God wants for us we are fighting with the Holy Spirit. It's better to be at peace with God and let Him show you the way.I see now how God turned something bad into something wonderful.Cause of the homeschool fall out I looked into alternative acitivies.Enter CYT. God has worked with me so much through that program and I have met so many people who have deeply enriched my life.
Last night at Bible Study I gave the devotion and used this story.It was alot longer and alot more scriptures but for this post I shorten it.:) haha.
So this one part of my book.Read and enjoy! Feed back would be absolutely wonderful!
~Megan Renee
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